Ashamed of NOT Drinking

When I began looking at my relationship with alcohol, I stopped and started many times. In my mind I was failing at quitting. Then days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. I was super proud of myself. Though deciding on my own to quit, there was no intervention, there was no public announcement, there was “no I quit” I didn’t tell a soul in fear of failure. I would just politely decline alcohol. People were starting to notice.

SHAME IN NOT BEING ABLE TO DRINK

In fact I never even opened up to my own family. I was ashamed I couldn’t handle my alcohol, I couldn’t handle what millions of people around the world deem as normal. I felt like shit. Being that it was Mothers Day yesterday, I was thinking back to a year ago. I was about 9 months sober and my son and his girlfriend took me out for dinner. They were drinking these fabulous belini’s and my son handed it to me and said try a sip and I faked trying a sip as I didn’t want to tell him.

My entire life I’ve felt like I was less than, not drinking was feeling once again that I was less than.

Fast forward a few more months, after that Mothers Day Dinner in 2018 and I changed my mindset, to I am more than, not less than. I am doing what millions & millions of people deem not normal, how amazing is that! I lived in that truth. Now everyone knows.

Back to Shame

Almost two years into not drinking, I am back to shame. For some reason these past few months I have , not really wanting to talk about not drinking, maybe because it’s part of my lifestyle now, or maybe because there is something that needs to be healed. I’m not too sure.

Has anyone else gone through this? Please Comment, looking for suggestions, advice… anything

xoxox Christina

5 TIPS WHEN LIFE GETS YOU DOWN

5 TIPS WHEN LIFE GETS YOU DOWN

Juggling sobriety, family, career and household can be overwhelming, at times. Therefore when this happens we can start feeling very depleted, frayed at the edges. Dare I say, run ragged even.

Your mental health is one of the most important parts of your sobriety. Here are 5 Tips I have used when feeling stressed and plain old run down.

5 TIPS WHEN LIFE GETS YOU DOWN:

  1. Eat, many including myself under stress don’t eat enough, skip meals completely. Which in turn can lead to more stress on our bodies and mind, or reach for sugary snacks, instead of a healthy meal. Eat something healthy and regularly.
  2. Next main priority is not numbing out with alcohol, set your intention, no matter how stressed you are it won’t help. My mantra is: life may be hard right now, but wine will make it harder.
  3. Cry, yes release those pent-up emotions, crying does help. Not a cryer, cut up an onion, or watch a sad movie.
  4. Stop with all the self help & personal development. No, not for good but give yourself a break for a day or two. I truly believe we can overload on thinking we are broken. Read a book for enjoyment, watch a fun movie, hang out with friends or family, take a social media break.
  5. Do ONE task you’ve been putting off, this will give you a sense of accomplishment. Mow the lawn, take stuff to Goodwill, call your mom or that friend back.

Take good care of yourself for a few days, allow your feelings to be present, and know that life can be hard, but this too shall pass.

xoxox Christina

I Quit Easter

It’s the Easter Long Weekend, I used love this holiday when my son was younger, it was just him and I as I was a single mom and hearing the excitement of him waking up to the Easter Bunny making trails of jelly beans to a big ass Easter Basket was the best memory. We used to get dressed up and go to a hotel for Easter Dinner.

Children grow up, I’m not religious so Easter was an excuse to drink. Long Weekend, Hell Yes the sun is shining and an extra day to drink recover repeat.

I always through big Easter Dinners when I was drinking, my family isn’t here so it always meant friends, kids, & lots and lots of wine. Funny thing is you might think I quit hosting them when I was drinking NOPE

I quit doing Easter Dinner when I got sober. Not because I was triggered but because the shit show that ensued and watching as the sober one, was just annoying to me. When I first half assed tried to get sober, I would end up drinking and being angry. Because of course it wasn’t my fault I drank, it was my husbands and my friends and I let them know that . Ugh insert cringe here.

When I finally got sober my first Easter was hell, our friends were all drinking actually that’s not true, they were drunk and the turkey got ruined and one couple was arguing, the whole thing was highly unpleasant.

Then last year my husband got so drunk and obnoxious (ended up breaking my fav mixing bowl) the turkey got ruined again. I went to bed fuming mad the next morning I declared I quit Easter. Yep I quit Easter.

My husband asked if we were doing turkey dinner this year a I told him hell no seƱor.

This year I’m starting a new tradition we will go for brunch as a family!

I quit Easter.