Alcohol in the house when you are sober

On Friday night I hosted a dinner party for business associates of my husband that I did not know, but knew they weren’t big drinkers (one of them is going through chemo). So I wasn’t super worried about it. I have alcohol in my house my husband still drinks. The other factor is I have not isolated myself, ie stopped going places that serves alcohol. I know people that won’t even go into the Starbucks that serves beer. Please also remember at the beginning of my sobriety, I was very careful where I would go (IE I would not sit on a patio on a hot summers day with everyone around me drinking a chardonnay) but at this stage of my journey I know could could care less about booze.

The two things I have not had in my house and won’t have in my house since I got sober is wine and this drink called Hey Y’all. Both were my drink of choice.

So as many of you know when hosting a dinner party, it’s not just the dinner prep, its the tidying of the house, putting away the crap on the front hallway table that’s accumulated (running gear mainly) dusting the built in shelves in the living room that the couch doesn’t face and honestly I’m not sure when I last dusted them, cleaning the main bathroom, cleaning up the plant that Billy (my cat) knocked over in the process while I was cleaning, all the little things that go with prepping a dinner party. By the time dinner was well underway, I was tired and quite hungry.

I had not been there to greet our guests, I headed back into the kitchen though to serve dinner, and low and behold one of our guests had brought me a bottle of wine and it was just sitting on the counter just sitting on the counter like so many times before. Unopened, just sitting staring at me. A cold shiver ran down the back of my neck. I served dinner.

Now I’ve been around wine, people drinking it doesn’t bother me, just NOT in my house.

My husband and I rarely talk about my not drinking or my reasons what led up to me not wanting to drink, when I told him I need to quit drinking his first reaction was you need to quit smoking you don’t have a drinking problem.

When we went to clean up after the guests left (omg dinner party are the best when people are not getting shit faced, cleaning up at 930pm) I looked at my husband and looked at the bottle and I said this gives me shivers. He’s like why not take it to our tenants downstairs, then I said something else, and he said it’s still early take it down NOW. I put my flip flops on and zipped downstairs and handed a nice bottle of wine to the couple, who were thrilled.

Moral of this story, you can be strong in your sobriety, you can keep alcohol in your house, you can go out with friends who drink. DO NOT keep your drink or drug of choice (nicotine is my drug of choice) in your house. Why tempt fate.

I HATE THE SUPERBOWL

Yep I said it, I can’t stand it, it’s an excuse for people to drink even more, than just a regular sports game. Even when I was drinking I dreaded it, totally wonderful people and nice homes would end up in a shit storm. One party I went to a guy ended up wandering outside and passed out in a ditch in the dark, we were in Panama (think fer de lance snakes, the most venomous in the western hemisphere) and we all ended up searching for him for 2 hours . He was a older man, an engineer from Germany completely brilliant until Super Bowl.

Now I am not a football fan in general, but it was a good excuse to go to a pub or a get together with friends. I honestly never felt great after one of these parties, the food was either pub food in an overly crowded bar with kitchens doing sub par cooking, or in homes that piles of nachos, seven layer dip, gourmet hotdogs, hamburgers and a myriad of store bought wings and then there was cupcakes and sweets galore. With people swilling back beer like they are on Survivor never getting off the island and arguing about whose team is the best and most times those aren’t the two teams that are even in the Super Bowl. It really never was my jam. It was obnoxious. Being a Canadian, I never went to a Stanley Cup Party that was more gong show than I have seen on Super Bowl.

Having said that I always like to see the positive side. Super Bowl Sunday is a fabulous time to go do anything. The Gym (don’t go right before hand) and Grocery Shopping is my favorite, and I rarely grocery shop on Sundays. Then of course there is the peaceful empty house to be able to read, dance in my kitchen, prep for the week.

One thing in sobriety, I have set very clear boundaries of what I’m dong with my time. Super Bowl is not one of them, but I know my husband loves it so I will be sending him along with stuffed mushroom caps, a veggie tray and dip and of course a text for me to come pick him up.

Please always remember that stats are higher for drinking and driving accidents on this day, in fact Super Bowl Sunday is one of the highest statistics for DUI’s and drunk driving statistics, so if you or someone you love are drinking please ensure you have a way to get home.

Wanting and Willing so not the same

So I have always been a no nonsense type of person.  If I wanted to do something I did it, but if I didn’t want to do it, I dug my high heels in all the way to the core of the earth to not do it.

I hear today so many excuses though.  When I decided to lose weight  I was so uncomfortable in the pic that  I saw of myself and felt so gross that was it. I did it slowly, I did it without fanfare, I did not declare a diet or a lifestyle change I just did it.   I did it consistently, I did it through lots of research and change.  Today my fitness is a healthy habit.

Getting sober consistently was a harder road for me, but I tried.  I decided a year ago to really try and even though 2017 was filled with day one agains I still tried. Finally when I was so tired of wanting it I finally was willing to actually do something else.  I let go of my judgements, I had to change my thinking my way was not working.   I entered into an outpatient program I kept showing up, and slowly but surely there’s another 24 hours put together.

What I notice is the similarity between the two as they are both life changing & healthy

I have a friend that has bought every gadget (including a $500.00 smart watch even though she had a fit bit) that was going to make her exercise more, she was waiting to relocate, waiting to finish vacation, waiting for company to leave.. before starting to workout.  Yesterday I sat in a support group listening to a woman that was in so much pain and we offered suggestions but she couldn’t do this or had a judgment around that type of program, she wanted sobriety.  She isn’t willing to take any suggestions from group or advisors on change yet,  and she’s been on the Recovery Road for 4 years.  It was painful for me to listen to her (I cried for her).

What I noticed in both of these for me was that changing my life wasn’t easy, it’ s not perfect but I was so willing.  It’s amazing when you open your heart and let go of your own ideas and don’t try and reinvent the wheel what can happen.  I ask women who have spectacular hamstrings and great butts what their key exercises are, I also make sure I compliment them.  For sobriety, I ask people what they did or do for fun, how they got through cravings, what if I found AA too religious or if I hated the word Alcoholic (which I do but honestly I like the group of people I found through it, so I don’t think too hard about the actual word GOD, and as for alcoholic I say I am Christina and I’m a problem drinker ) what really I do though is just let shit go, I don’t get too caught up in the wording.  I go to a yoga 12 step meeting, which I love Y12SR, I have a support group, I had to take action though, not procrastinate, go to meetings and classes on days I didn’t feel like it  and not make excuses or do it my own way. It’s what worked for me.

 

Here’s to another Sober Day!

Christina