I Am Your Wife, Not Your Drinking Buddy

“I am your wife, not your drinking buddy” I yelled at my husband. This was the first of many arguments we had when I brought up the subject we need to quit drinking. This was years before I actually quit. Our marriage was bad, we were always arguing, I tallied up our receipts about the third week in August and our patio drinking bills were over $900.00 (that didn’t include what we drank at home) eventually our marriage was under so much stress, he agreed. We quit for like a hot minute.

I had a pattern of picking men, that like myself liked to drink. I have an ex boyfriend that said when we went on our first date he was glad to see I wasn’t some prude that had two drinks (should have been a red flag right there) Though back, then drinking hadn’t become the devastating evil drug it is to me today. I could function.

When I met my husband we liked to drink but there was also a balance in our relationship of hanging out and going and doing things. The problem is that shifted and by the time that August came we were probably 5 years into our relationship, all we were doing together was drinking.

Didn’t we both need to quit?

You see I thought we both had to quit, in order for me to quit. I wasn’t ready to take personal responsibility for my own life. I blamed him and it’s true we were drinking a lot and regularly together. BUT if I am unhappy I have to change my life.

Me quitting drinking was a decision I came to on my own, I didn’t even give him, or are marriage a thought in this process, of me quitting. The level of hangovers that every time I drank I wanted off earth. I would spiral, he didn’t even see it. I life, I didn’t like myself.

We are still together, the first year of my sobriety, I didn’t think we were going to make it. It changed our lives completely. I never actually told him I was quitting I just took action and did it. Fucked up and took action again until my sobriety stuck. My husband wasn’t supportive of my not drinking, he lost a drinking buddy, it’s ok he found others.

I’d love to hear if anyone else was their spouses drinking buddy, or struggles with this. Leave your comment below.

xoxo Christina

Do You Smoke Pot?

Do you smoke pot? Do you eat edibles? I am getting so tired of this question, as I am getting asked it almost daily.

When I got sober, I decided consciously to rid my body and mind completely of substances including cigarettes. So I decided not to turn alcohol into another habit.

It’s no different to me, if I gave up alcohol but I had decided to snort cocaine (though not according to society) and honestly I much prefer to go up, than be chowing down on Oreo’s and slugging about. I believe a drug is a drug (alcohol is a drug, pot is a drug, cigarettes are a drug, oxycontaine is a drug, cocaine is a drug) . The only difference to me is the government legalizing and collecting money off of it and labelling it ok.

Honestly I am sick and tired of the pot culture that has popped up here, there is a cannabis shop on every block in my city, people smoke it walking down the street, I’d be arrested if I walked around with a wine glass, or shamed if you smoke a cigarette here in public.

I have known too many that have substituted one substance for another, and again are running/hiding/ not dealing with the real issues, numbing out just using a different agent.

So the answer is no my friends the answer is no I do not smoke pot, I don’t do cocaine, cigarettes, or oxy, or any other drug and yes yes yes I have fun. It’s called life in full colour.

Thought of the day: “girl, you don’t have a drinking problem anymore”

Thought of the day “Girl, you don’t have a drinking problem anymore!” You don’t crave it, obsess over it, you’ve gone well over a year without it so you are cured. I was in the grocery store the other day picking up a lime for my “Honey, Lime, Olive Oil Salad dressing I make and this is what ran through my head. Actually it was “oh you can make Margarita’s, then I thought no it’s winter”. Then I remembered the actual reason, no you don’t drink, you have a problem with alcohol. But my brain was saying no “girl you don’t have a drinking problem anymore” maybe you drinking too much was just a phase, because of your husband, or your ex boyfriend, or because you were drinking so regularly. LOL I laugh when I write this out-loud that was a very long painful phase about 20 years or so give or take some years in between. I’ve had these thoughts for a while here and there during my journey of getting sober I think it’s normal, it’s all in how you handle it..

I admit it sometimes I forget I have a drinking problem. I did it again today I just booked a girls trip to California, for March and thought yeah I can have cocktails OOOPs. That’s my brain saying “girl you don’t have a drinking problem anymore”

My drinking problem doesn’t rule my life anymore, at the beginning of my recovery it did, I focussed on my sobriety daily, getting sober, staying sober, making sure I didn’t fall, I was willing as fuck. Which is a good thing, I did the work, but it’s bad when I try and justify these thoughts today. So I decided to take a look back at a video that I took when I was hungover, it is my painful reminder of how bad my drinking was and how little self worth I had left. How I wanted off the earth so badly. How much I loathed myself and how I couldn’t quit, how bad I looked. This video I have two of them almost 8 months apart of my reality back then, and I’m not sure why I even took them but today It’s a shocking jolt to my brain almost like shock therapy, “girl you are not cured you do have a drinking issue.”

Does anyone else out there have a video or picture or a journal entry that does this?

xoxox Christina