I Am Your Wife, Not Your Drinking Buddy

“I am your wife, not your drinking buddy” I yelled at my husband. This was the first of many arguments we had when I brought up the subject we need to quit drinking. This was years before I actually quit. Our marriage was bad, we were always arguing, I tallied up our receipts about the third week in August and our patio drinking bills were over $900.00 (that didn’t include what we drank at home) eventually our marriage was under so much stress, he agreed. We quit for like a hot minute.

I had a pattern of picking men, that like myself liked to drink. I have an ex boyfriend that said when we went on our first date he was glad to see I wasn’t some prude that had two drinks (should have been a red flag right there) Though back, then drinking hadn’t become the devastating evil drug it is to me today. I could function.

When I met my husband we liked to drink but there was also a balance in our relationship of hanging out and going and doing things. The problem is that shifted and by the time that August came we were probably 5 years into our relationship, all we were doing together was drinking.

Didn’t we both need to quit?

You see I thought we both had to quit, in order for me to quit. I wasn’t ready to take personal responsibility for my own life. I blamed him and it’s true we were drinking a lot and regularly together. BUT if I am unhappy I have to change my life.

Me quitting drinking was a decision I came to on my own, I didn’t even give him, or are marriage a thought in this process, of me quitting. The level of hangovers that every time I drank I wanted off earth. I would spiral, he didn’t even see it. I life, I didn’t like myself.

We are still together, the first year of my sobriety, I didn’t think we were going to make it. It changed our lives completely. I never actually told him I was quitting I just took action and did it. Fucked up and took action again until my sobriety stuck. My husband wasn’t supportive of my not drinking, he lost a drinking buddy, it’s ok he found others.

I’d love to hear if anyone else was their spouses drinking buddy, or struggles with this. Leave your comment below.

xoxo Christina

Getting Drinking Under Control

  • “I drink my wine so fast I get smashed before dinner” time to switch to coolers”
  • “I’m going to switch from coolers back to wine all that carbonation is making me bloated and I can drink a lot of coolers”
  • “We can’t drink during the week anymore week anymore, I feel like hell
  • I’ll only drink on Friday and Saturday. Oh ok Sunday brunch too.
  • “I’ll only do one Wine Wednesday a month
  • “I’ll only have a glass of wine with dinner”
  • ” I’m going to switch to vodka and soda even though I don’t really like the taste of it, but I’m packing on the pounds from all the coolers”
  • “We need to drink right after work, not later’
  • “We need to start drinking during the day so we can go to bed early and don’t have a have a hangover tomorrow.”

The above were all things I said aloud or in my head, I’m sure there were a hundred more, what I didn’t know at the time was I was trying to moderate. I’d never heard that term before I started digging into my Recovery. To my way of thinking I was just trying to have less of a hangover on work days and less of a shit show and of course more control.

This conversation has come up lately in a few of my sober groups and with friends. We have talked about trying to control our drinking with switching out, switching up, and doing things differently. The overwhelming thing was every one I have talked with has done the control thing in one form or another, Each and Every One, that’s a 100% statistic.

The other statistic that came out was every single person has googled something about controlling drinking, or if they were an alcoholic, or about alcohol problems.

Deep down, in your gut/intuition if you are trying to control an issue, you know it’s a problem whether it’s a phase in your life or an actual problem is something that only time tells.

I have gone through stages in my life where my drinking was more then less, but when I started trying to have to control it, because my mental health, my overall well being and the gong show of evenings were becoming more regular than not and I couldn’t get it under control, (ie everything you just read up top wasn’t working) that’s when I knew it was time to look at stopping (but that’s another blog post)

Can you identify with any of the above moderations? I’d love to hear about it.

xoxox Christina