FOMO While Travelling Sober

FOMO While Travelling Sober

FOMO while travelling can really lead down a rabbit hole of self destruction. This past week I travelled from winter weather (chilly but sunny) to a self development self love conference in SUNNY New Port Beach California. A travel tip I live by is hit up the grocery store for provisions as Hangry doesn’t just happen at home.

Off I walked to Whole Foods, which is located in a very posh, very beautiful place called Fashion Island. BAM it hit me, that itch, all I could see while walking there were these beautiful patios, filled with beautiful people, sitting drinking. I haven’t had that itch in a while (it’s been winter here) and it was a sinking feeling.

I used to like Whole Foods concept, but by the time I was finished buying my provisions and had to cruise by the Booze Section, my thoughts were heading into a negative spiral, Whole Foods doesn’t care about your health or they wouldn’t be carrying Booze. By the time I got out of Whole Foods I had a full on hate going for the store. ( I call it Whole Paycheck seriously who shops at this store regularly, so overpriced, especially now considering Amazon owns it) as you can guess I was even pissier. I’ve been plastered by the lure of cocktails from the moment I touched down in the sun. FOMO kicks in I think I am the only one in California, not sitting on a patio drinking, except it’s about 1pm on Thursday, but my rational brain has not kicked in on this.

Friday Night the first night of the conference begins and I chose not to purchase the VIP option of this conference as it is a Wine Night, I made this choice months ago, the friends I am with are all going and the FOMO is beating on my brain, again I am the only one (which is not true) not drinking while travelling. I’m exhausted from sightseeing and walking, I’m emotionally tired from the alcohol vibes, I want to sleep, but I can’t. I’m having serious FOND (Fear of Not Drinking). Even though my friends have been great ( they aren’t sober people, but also don’t have drinking issues) it’s always the voice inside my head that’s the loudest.

I sat and cried and when I did so I also had a thought, WHY am I here?

Not here physically with a drinking problem, but why am I here in California. Why did I travel to this event? Why did I spend all this money?

My mom always taught me travelling was the best form of education, and a lot of vacations I have drank away and been so hungover I didn’t want to do anything the next day, but sit lay by a pool or in bed and sleep. I did not go on the tours booked, boat rides offered, exploring, or even out of the hotel, due to hangovers, I would miss the days.

“You can drink anywhere, why would you drink while travelling? The reason to travel isn’t to drink, but to explore, be curious, soak in what you are there for”

This one though changed my entire trip, it ended the FOMO, it ended all my feelings about drinking and the romanticizing of the drinking. I am not hear to drink, I’m hear to love myself and be a part of an event of 500 women and to recharge, to connect and to learn.

I had this realization once I asked myself the above, I wasn’t missing out, I was gaining the most from this experience I could by being present.

This past year I have had the privilege to travel extensively sober and honestly have been the best travel of my life.

So instead of FOMO and feeling sorry for myself I looked at what I got from this trip was far more valuable than any cocktail could ever offer me.

xoxox Christina

Where to Find Friends in Sobriety?

10 years ago when I was dating a drummer in a band (insert eye roll) and was hanging out with a faster than a soccer mom crowd. I met a woman who was in this circle, she dated one of the guys and I thought we could be friends. I make friends naturally and she was smart, fun, crazy, and extremely successful in her business.

I called her one time outside of the circle and outside of drinking to see if she wanted to go for sushi, and again one other time to go for a walk on the beach. Both times she said she couldn’t she’d been partying to hard and had to catch up on work as shit was hitting the fan and she didn’t want to drink. I hadn’t asked her to go drinking I’d asked her to hit up sushi and go for a walk. I was trying to make a friend but how she took our friendship, it had revolved around partying.

A few weeks later we were out and she was flying high as a kite and made a pass at me and when I refused, things got awkward, and out of control. I left the party, very uncomfortably.

Much later that night she called me up screaming so violently into the phone that she really didn’t need to call she could have just yelled outside from across the bridge. She had no use for our friendship never wanted to go get sushi with me and hated the fact I had a kid why in the fuck would she ever want to hang out with someone like me.

Wow I was stunned, a little hurt but I also realized that was the addiction talking. I put a hard and fast boundary around her. When she called again, which was some weeks later, my son answered the phone (welcome to landlines) and I refused to take her call and just hung up the phone. I have no idea what she wanted.

Why she popped into my head today, I was thinking of Friendships. This was the last friendship with a woman that I tried to make before I got sober. After that I tended to shy away from women friends.

When I got sober I didn’t have a lot of friends, just drinking acquaintances and I was lonely. About 4 months in I voiced out loud to my outpatient group I was lonely and everyone looked at me like yeah and? I was right where I was supposed to be. No one could tell me where to find sober friends.

This is what I teach in Fit and Sober, it’s not about finding sober friends its about creating a life you love and attracting friendships.

So off I went on the quest to find friends, follow up to my Outpatient Program, AA & Refuge Recovery but other than talking about not drinking, I never really clicked with anyone. The other issue for me was all these meetings I attended were fuelled by gossip & drama, which is so not my jam. In addition (this is second hand and just my opinion ) but anyone I know who has gone, made friends and relapsed the friends go away. It’s understandable, everyone needs to preserve their recovery and set boundaries but it just seemed fickle to me. I believe all meetings work, you may meet some great people but it’s about quitting drinking and staying sober, I was looking for friends though.

I have gone to sober retreats and the women were great and some had amazing bonds through this but that’s not what happened to me. I know I’m different, I always have been it’s one of the reasons why I drank, to fit in.

Also remember when setting out to meet people, you can have different groups for different reasons. One or two people don’t need to be everything to you for every reason.

Your inner circle needs to be and more than just the connection of not drinking

So what to do now: my sober list was exhausted almost 6 months into sobriety and I’ve met sober acquaintances but no friends. So I started working on a list of things I love to do and consistently show up.

  • The gym has been my therapy ( and my job) for years so I chose too take a class ( my choice was spin) and I show up 3 days a week. Guess what I met 2 friends here one is a fitness competitor and one is in recovery (yep)
  • I craft so I started going to scrapbook meetups
  • I am currently taking a photography course
  • I love to bike so I joined a women mountain bike group last summer
  • I love cats so I volunteered at a cat shelter.
  • I invested in a business mastermind last year
  • I joined a business network group
  • I took a cooking class
  • I joined a yoga studio
  • Joined online sober groups

You get the picture, now start your list what do you want to explore, what do you like to do that interests you?

Ok so out of all of this I have formed 5 close new friends, that aren’t in recovery, I have 2 amazing friends that I’ve known for more than 15 years, and really worked on rebuilding my friendships with but I also now have 4 close sober friends, plus a therapist that I can call on when I need to around sober people or recovery support.

Remember real friends don’t care if you don’t drink.

Comment below how you’ve made friends while being in recovery.

xoxo Christina

Don’t forget to sign up for my F.I.T. (Food/Fitness Inspiration and Teetotaler Tips)

Tired in Early Sobriety

Tiredness in Early Sobriety

We are Just finishing up a Dry January Challenge and some of the women are expressing they are EXHAUSTED and not feeling great, I had to think back and yes I remember this feeling, but the point is I had to think back.

Early Sobriety is tiring, not only are you trying to avoid drinking, manage emotions, but also thinking what in the hell why am I not feeling better, I’ve stopped drinking. I should feel like a million dollars, and honestly that can stem some panic, the thoughts of why should I bother if I feel like hell and am exhausted at least when I was drinking I had energy (ummm not really remember that brain is tricky, remember those debilitating hangovers)

Tired in Early Sobriety Tips

  • Energy levels in humans ebb and flow in everyone. So remember this if you are feeling exhausted. It’s normal.
  • Your body is healing, we didn’t create a drinking habit in one day, years of abuse is not going to get healed in one day.
  • Sleep, yes sleep stop fighting it
  • I know we feel like we should be doing something, give yourself a pat on the back for doing sobriety, you are doing something you are changing a massive habit.
  • Cry if you need to, Crying is a release
  • Nutrition is super important, protein, complex carbs and fats are going to be key ensure you are having a mid afternoon healthy snack (fruit apple with peanut butter is my go to) for energy levels and moods
  • If you are falling asleep at work get up and stretch, we really aren’t made to sit for 8 hours a day.
  • Put a cool compress on your head or wash your face in cool water.
  • Get some fresh air, go for a walk, jog, bike ride just get outside even if you don’t want to, go around the block.
  • Minimize sugar, to avoid the blood sugar highs and lows.
  • Meditate
  • Watch your coffee/ tea intake
  • Know that this will pass I promise, remember I said I had to think back, don’t give up because you are tired.

If you want to join an awesome group of women in all stages of recovery, because being alone sucks, I have a SECRET FACEBOOK GROUP Friend me on the link and then message me to join, we discuss all things sobriety, fitness, nutrition, lifestyle the good the bad and the ugly.

xoxox Christina