FOMO While Travelling Sober

FOMO While Travelling Sober

FOMO while travelling can really lead down a rabbit hole of self destruction. This past week I travelled from winter weather (chilly but sunny) to a self development self love conference in SUNNY New Port Beach California. A travel tip I live by is hit up the grocery store for provisions as Hangry doesn’t just happen at home.

Off I walked to Whole Foods, which is located in a very posh, very beautiful place called Fashion Island. BAM it hit me, that itch, all I could see while walking there were these beautiful patios, filled with beautiful people, sitting drinking. I haven’t had that itch in a while (it’s been winter here) and it was a sinking feeling.

I used to like Whole Foods concept, but by the time I was finished buying my provisions and had to cruise by the Booze Section, my thoughts were heading into a negative spiral, Whole Foods doesn’t care about your health or they wouldn’t be carrying Booze. By the time I got out of Whole Foods I had a full on hate going for the store. ( I call it Whole Paycheck seriously who shops at this store regularly, so overpriced, especially now considering Amazon owns it) as you can guess I was even pissier. I’ve been plastered by the lure of cocktails from the moment I touched down in the sun. FOMO kicks in I think I am the only one in California, not sitting on a patio drinking, except it’s about 1pm on Thursday, but my rational brain has not kicked in on this.

Friday Night the first night of the conference begins and I chose not to purchase the VIP option of this conference as it is a Wine Night, I made this choice months ago, the friends I am with are all going and the FOMO is beating on my brain, again I am the only one (which is not true) not drinking while travelling. I’m exhausted from sightseeing and walking, I’m emotionally tired from the alcohol vibes, I want to sleep, but I can’t. I’m having serious FOND (Fear of Not Drinking). Even though my friends have been great ( they aren’t sober people, but also don’t have drinking issues) it’s always the voice inside my head that’s the loudest.

I sat and cried and when I did so I also had a thought, WHY am I here?

Not here physically with a drinking problem, but why am I here in California. Why did I travel to this event? Why did I spend all this money?

My mom always taught me travelling was the best form of education, and a lot of vacations I have drank away and been so hungover I didn’t want to do anything the next day, but sit lay by a pool or in bed and sleep. I did not go on the tours booked, boat rides offered, exploring, or even out of the hotel, due to hangovers, I would miss the days.

“You can drink anywhere, why would you drink while travelling? The reason to travel isn’t to drink, but to explore, be curious, soak in what you are there for”

This one though changed my entire trip, it ended the FOMO, it ended all my feelings about drinking and the romanticizing of the drinking. I am not hear to drink, I’m hear to love myself and be a part of an event of 500 women and to recharge, to connect and to learn.

I had this realization once I asked myself the above, I wasn’t missing out, I was gaining the most from this experience I could by being present.

This past year I have had the privilege to travel extensively sober and honestly have been the best travel of my life.

So instead of FOMO and feeling sorry for myself I looked at what I got from this trip was far more valuable than any cocktail could ever offer me.

xoxox Christina

A Hallmark Christmas

So I remember December being a magical time, Christmas Trees, Rum & Egg Nog, Wine Nights with friends, Dressing up and off to amazing Christmas Parties, Driving around looking at the amazing houses full of Christmas Lights, Holiday Decorating, Carolling by the piano, baking short bread cookies and everyone so happy, buying and wrapping presents, while the whole family gathered around by the tree on Christmas morning happy and glorious singing songs and joy all around.

Actually that was a freaking Hallmark movie.  My life wasn’t like that I remember overeating all baked goods at the office, drinking wine like the Napa Valley was going to stop producing grapes,  being stressed to the max running around buying presents, decorating the house by myself, having christmas tree decorating parties that ended at 3am, finishing decorating the gingerbread house by myself, going to Christmas Parties and Dinners that I didn’t want to go to and staying out way too late, running to soccer games on Saturday mornings foggy headed and freezing my ass off, then a couple of days before Christmas jumping on the ferry (ok waiting 7 hours in line) then driving through blizzards (either rain or snow) to get home to my parents for Christmas and driving back 4 days later after a stressful time with them.   For years I remember waking up January 1st with a headache the size of Gibraltar swearing this was not going to be me again this coming December, but it happened year after year.  I didn’t take care of me, I was so worried everything looked perfect for everyone else for Christmas, being in 5 spots at once, going to all the parties, going to all the kids events, I destroyed myself in Decembers.  

Until last,  in August of 2017 this was  the year of huge changes in my life, I decided to finally stop drinking wine.  So when December came around my self care routine was in full swing.  In fact so much, that I could care less about Christmas and how it looked to everyone else.  I wanted Christmas Season to be calm & kind I wanted to wake up on January 1st  ready to jump into 2018.  And I did just that. I said no to a lot of parties, I went to my parents for 2 days, not 4 (which I enjoyed), I didn’t overeat, I exercised, I chose one Christmas event to attend, I had the entire family help decorate the house and tree (not just me) and guess what  I woke up on January 1st happy and ready to go.  I had taken care of me.  In fact I had a friend in from Australia, we went for a walk, came back to my house had breakfast with my husband. I finally woke up from the holidays feeling amazing.  Not bloated, not hungover, not tired, not stressed.  Who is this girl? 

I look back now and think it’s someone who took care of herself in December.  

When I first came out a month ago that I  had a huge wine & cigarette  habit and quit drinking and stopped smoking over a year ago the response was overwhelming and so was the curiosity from other women.  Frightening statistic, women right now are drinking more than ever, to cope, to compete, to numb, to relax.  It’s why I have created the #fitandsober challenge to go into December taking care of ourselves exercising ( making time for ourselves to feel better and cutting out alcohol) It’s 9 days to get your holiday glow on.    You can join here.  Click here to join the FIT AND SOBER CHALLENGE

From Booze Bitch to Happiness

I sat  last night a little worried I wouldn’t make it to 6months it was that Friday feeling, I haven’t had that thought in a while, but it popped into my head, I removed it said don’t be silly.  You aren’t drinking because it’s Friday, Hell NO, and then it happened I went to bed and woke up hangover free and today I honour 6 months sober. As I write this my skin tingles.

It’s a little weird but I haven’t shared that I am six months sober with anyone, in fact most of my recovery has not been shared with many, just a few close women I met at an outpatient program, and my Y12SR meetings.  I don’t really recover out loud,  I’m starting to put in some hashtags on my instagram, and make some comments, but slowly.  I don’t share with my family,  they aren’t supportive.  I have taken Hip Sobriety Course (which I love and highly recommend) and want to share it on the group, but I haven’t. I have a group of She Recovers Women but I also haven’t shared it there either.   I’m not a big fan of tooting my own horn, I still slightly feel like a fish out of water.  I am going to text my girlfriend though and tell her.  My journey back to me has really been my own.  Today I’m almost a little sad I don’t have an applause orchestra playing though, or a parade in my name. I’d really like a parade today though I did have a piece of decadent apple pie.

The past year has been about my sobriety and working me. Some days I think maybe I didn’t have a problem, I wasn’t a daily drinker, I wasn’t an alcoholic by my definition (losing jobs, drivers licenses, children, living or living on skid row or incarcerated)  but I was a hot mess ( yet again), I felt like a failure, I felt like a bad mom,  bad wife, in general a bad human and so useless.  I videotaped several hangovers,  I have re read journals (so many day ones) , I look at the empty dates on my instagram page, especially when I get that thought of maybe I didn’t have a problem.  Yet I had a huge emotional problem of what was happening while I was drinking.  What happened to me was I felt useless as a human and I had no life.  That has all changed today.  I am motivated, I am grateful, so incredibly grateful, I love life, I realize life is a gift, I’m taking courses, I am present with my family.  I like waking up with no hangover. I don’t feel useless.

Cheer’s to water.  Fuck I love water.

Here’s to another sober day xoxox Christina