Hosting Birthday Party Sober, Reality

Hosting Sober Birthday Dinner here’s the reality:

Well let’s just say this, If you didn’t read my blog How to host a dinner party sober yesterday, I’ll give you a recap. It was my husbands birthday, and he chose instead of us going out for a nice dinner a Football watching dinner with his buddy. With Appies, great steaks and seafood, and of course booze, so I wrote a post that included a list of How to host a party sober with 8 great tips here . 

Now the tips were great and I followed all of my own advice and yes stayed sober, but here’s the reality.

  • Dinner was to be at 7pm, the game started around 5pm. So his friend got here around 430 and the booze started flowing by 6pm they were flying high. I came downstairs I had been kicked out for trying to talk this is where my husbands nasty remarks set in (you see the difference between my drinking and his I loved being happy so I just wanted to be happier, I was a fun loud obnoxious drunk, he’s a very unhappy one where his hatred for the world comes out) ,
  • 630ish which was half time and I suggested he put on the steaks and I would start on the seafood, but nooooo they weren’t hungry. Of course not, they were drinking you see how do I know this because this used to be me (insert cringe) I remember this selfishness display “just one more drink” I would tell my son ugh.
  • 7pm rolls around and we have a shit ton of food, so I decided not to serve appies (thinking a late night snack might be better and my husband and I had a snack around 4pm) we had a serious amounts of seafood that are rich and big steaks and I didn’t want it to go to waste. My husband gets angry they are watching the game and fine, my son leaves he decides he’s not sticking around for this shit show and goes for dinner with his friends.
  • I’m miserably hangry by 745 ish, and the guys then say they want to watch the rest of the game, which they figure should be over by 815 ish, well I decide to put my steak and my sons away, as it had been resting on the counter as I don’t like eating a huge steak at 830 at night, tell my husband this I’ll just have seafood. I go back upstairs.
  • I come down around 9pm and my husband is seriously angry and decided not to tell me they cooked their steaks and ate the seafood. In his drunken stupor he didn’t hear me say I will just eat some seafood, so I ended up with a bowl of leftover soup from Friday night, a husband that just got nasty and me trying to be nice. So the reality check should have been for this party just order in chinese or pizza or thai at 6pm.

I slept in the spare bed away from the noise and about 1030 the stench of cigars fills the house again, cringe, I know when I would drink too much and it was cold out at times I would start smoking in the house and the shame I have today for putting my son through this, he was little when I would do this, and the house would reek of cigarettes. He hated the smell. The anguish that last night brought me, was not for my husband the ruined birthday or his behaviour. The anguish today is my own selfish awful ways when I was drinking and my son was younger. The heartbreak I am feeling and the apology I owe my son when he gets home today, this weighs heavily on me and my behaviour makes me physically nauseous.

If you are a mom or dad out there, it’s never too late start today, quit drinking even if you just try. If I could have a do over with my child’s childhood, I would have been a much more present parent. I have a FREE DRY JANUARY group if you are at all looking to try.

There are two things that came out of this, a) hosting a party when you are sober it may not go the way as you planned, b) completely unrelated things could come up.

xoxox Christina

The changes I have incurred

I am sitting here fuming I’m hungry, it’s 7pm and we haven’t eaten dinner (that’s another story)  and I thought about the changes that have occurred in the last 6 months since I’ve stopped drinking.

  1. I HAVE NO HANGOVER such an amazing feeling
  2. I eat dinner earlier, I never used to get dinner on the table sometimes until 8pm when I was drinking, and even then we sometimes would have to order in or I’d be serving munchies to tide us over. (So much mom guilt about this, from when my son was younger)
  3.  Drinking caused me not to eat, consciously sometimes as I would save my calories for drinking, now I live in a calorie deficit and I occasionally eat dessert and have ZERO guilt about it.
  4. My social media is exactly where I left it the night before, no checking texts or facebook to see what I have said or who I talked to (ugh)
  5. There are no grandiose plans being made.  I came across an email today I had about a fitness challenge that I wrote to a lady saying my husband would get on board.  Drunken plans
  6. I don’t smoke ugh I’d kill off a pack of cigarettes in a night.
  7. I married a man that we have nothing in common other than we drank together and made grandiose plans.
  8. I get up and workout, I meditate, I take care of my health.
  9. I do what I say I’m going to do and if I break my commitment it’s not because I have a hangover.
  10. I say no thank you. I don’t justify it. I don’t say yes then lie my way out of it later.
  11. I am productive.
  12. Ive made quality friends
  13. I feel a lot of feelings, today I started to cry because of the state of the world. Water running out in S. Africa, a baby raped in India, housing no longer affordable in my city, our insurance corporations fraud both internally and externally. I just cried.

And one of the most significant changes is making myself a priority, my mindset I am grateful, I always try to see the bright side of life, and I am present.  I don’t say sobriety is a gift because I work every day for it. Those are the few of my changes that have happened consciously or unconsciously through the months.

 

Here’s to another Sober Day.

Christina

 

From Booze Bitch to Happiness

I sat  last night a little worried I wouldn’t make it to 6months it was that Friday feeling, I haven’t had that thought in a while, but it popped into my head, I removed it said don’t be silly.  You aren’t drinking because it’s Friday, Hell NO, and then it happened I went to bed and woke up hangover free and today I honour 6 months sober. As I write this my skin tingles.

It’s a little weird but I haven’t shared that I am six months sober with anyone, in fact most of my recovery has not been shared with many, just a few close women I met at an outpatient program, and my Y12SR meetings.  I don’t really recover out loud,  I’m starting to put in some hashtags on my instagram, and make some comments, but slowly.  I don’t share with my family,  they aren’t supportive.  I have taken Hip Sobriety Course (which I love and highly recommend) and want to share it on the group, but I haven’t. I have a group of She Recovers Women but I also haven’t shared it there either.   I’m not a big fan of tooting my own horn, I still slightly feel like a fish out of water.  I am going to text my girlfriend though and tell her.  My journey back to me has really been my own.  Today I’m almost a little sad I don’t have an applause orchestra playing though, or a parade in my name. I’d really like a parade today though I did have a piece of decadent apple pie.

The past year has been about my sobriety and working me. Some days I think maybe I didn’t have a problem, I wasn’t a daily drinker, I wasn’t an alcoholic by my definition (losing jobs, drivers licenses, children, living or living on skid row or incarcerated)  but I was a hot mess ( yet again), I felt like a failure, I felt like a bad mom,  bad wife, in general a bad human and so useless.  I videotaped several hangovers,  I have re read journals (so many day ones) , I look at the empty dates on my instagram page, especially when I get that thought of maybe I didn’t have a problem.  Yet I had a huge emotional problem of what was happening while I was drinking.  What happened to me was I felt useless as a human and I had no life.  That has all changed today.  I am motivated, I am grateful, so incredibly grateful, I love life, I realize life is a gift, I’m taking courses, I am present with my family.  I like waking up with no hangover. I don’t feel useless.

Cheer’s to water.  Fuck I love water.

Here’s to another sober day xoxox Christina