Ashamed of NOT Drinking

When I began looking at my relationship with alcohol, I stopped and started many times. In my mind I was failing at quitting. Then days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. I was super proud of myself. Though deciding on my own to quit, there was no intervention, there was no public announcement, there was “no I quit” I didn’t tell a soul in fear of failure. I would just politely decline alcohol. People were starting to notice.

SHAME IN NOT BEING ABLE TO DRINK

In fact I never even opened up to my own family. I was ashamed I couldn’t handle my alcohol, I couldn’t handle what millions of people around the world deem as normal. I felt like shit. Being that it was Mothers Day yesterday, I was thinking back to a year ago. I was about 9 months sober and my son and his girlfriend took me out for dinner. They were drinking these fabulous belini’s and my son handed it to me and said try a sip and I faked trying a sip as I didn’t want to tell him.

My entire life I’ve felt like I was less than, not drinking was feeling once again that I was less than.

Fast forward a few more months, after that Mothers Day Dinner in 2018 and I changed my mindset, to I am more than, not less than. I am doing what millions & millions of people deem not normal, how amazing is that! I lived in that truth. Now everyone knows.

Back to Shame

Almost two years into not drinking, I am back to shame. For some reason these past few months I have , not really wanting to talk about not drinking, maybe because it’s part of my lifestyle now, or maybe because there is something that needs to be healed. I’m not too sure.

Has anyone else gone through this? Please Comment, looking for suggestions, advice… anything

xoxox Christina

I Am Your Wife, Not Your Drinking Buddy

“I am your wife, not your drinking buddy” I yelled at my husband. This was the first of many arguments we had when I brought up the subject we need to quit drinking. This was years before I actually quit. Our marriage was bad, we were always arguing, I tallied up our receipts about the third week in August and our patio drinking bills were over $900.00 (that didn’t include what we drank at home) eventually our marriage was under so much stress, he agreed. We quit for like a hot minute.

I had a pattern of picking men, that like myself liked to drink. I have an ex boyfriend that said when we went on our first date he was glad to see I wasn’t some prude that had two drinks (should have been a red flag right there) Though back, then drinking hadn’t become the devastating evil drug it is to me today. I could function.

When I met my husband we liked to drink but there was also a balance in our relationship of hanging out and going and doing things. The problem is that shifted and by the time that August came we were probably 5 years into our relationship, all we were doing together was drinking.

Didn’t we both need to quit?

You see I thought we both had to quit, in order for me to quit. I wasn’t ready to take personal responsibility for my own life. I blamed him and it’s true we were drinking a lot and regularly together. BUT if I am unhappy I have to change my life.

Me quitting drinking was a decision I came to on my own, I didn’t even give him, or are marriage a thought in this process, of me quitting. The level of hangovers that every time I drank I wanted off earth. I would spiral, he didn’t even see it. I life, I didn’t like myself.

We are still together, the first year of my sobriety, I didn’t think we were going to make it. It changed our lives completely. I never actually told him I was quitting I just took action and did it. Fucked up and took action again until my sobriety stuck. My husband wasn’t supportive of my not drinking, he lost a drinking buddy, it’s ok he found others.

I’d love to hear if anyone else was their spouses drinking buddy, or struggles with this. Leave your comment below.

xoxo Christina

Tired in Early Sobriety

Tiredness in Early Sobriety

We are Just finishing up a Dry January Challenge and some of the women are expressing they are EXHAUSTED and not feeling great, I had to think back and yes I remember this feeling, but the point is I had to think back.

Early Sobriety is tiring, not only are you trying to avoid drinking, manage emotions, but also thinking what in the hell why am I not feeling better, I’ve stopped drinking. I should feel like a million dollars, and honestly that can stem some panic, the thoughts of why should I bother if I feel like hell and am exhausted at least when I was drinking I had energy (ummm not really remember that brain is tricky, remember those debilitating hangovers)

Tired in Early Sobriety Tips

  • Energy levels in humans ebb and flow in everyone. So remember this if you are feeling exhausted. It’s normal.
  • Your body is healing, we didn’t create a drinking habit in one day, years of abuse is not going to get healed in one day.
  • Sleep, yes sleep stop fighting it
  • I know we feel like we should be doing something, give yourself a pat on the back for doing sobriety, you are doing something you are changing a massive habit.
  • Cry if you need to, Crying is a release
  • Nutrition is super important, protein, complex carbs and fats are going to be key ensure you are having a mid afternoon healthy snack (fruit apple with peanut butter is my go to) for energy levels and moods
  • If you are falling asleep at work get up and stretch, we really aren’t made to sit for 8 hours a day.
  • Put a cool compress on your head or wash your face in cool water.
  • Get some fresh air, go for a walk, jog, bike ride just get outside even if you don’t want to, go around the block.
  • Minimize sugar, to avoid the blood sugar highs and lows.
  • Meditate
  • Watch your coffee/ tea intake
  • Know that this will pass I promise, remember I said I had to think back, don’t give up because you are tired.

If you want to join an awesome group of women in all stages of recovery, because being alone sucks, I have a SECRET FACEBOOK GROUP Friend me on the link and then message me to join, we discuss all things sobriety, fitness, nutrition, lifestyle the good the bad and the ugly.

xoxox Christina