Recovery Takes Up Time

I was discussing this with a Girlfriend the other day and how much time recovery can take up, I never thought about how much time (when I was drinking) it wasted, but all of a sudden I feel as if I need to get everything done IMMEDIATELY.  The 24 hours in a day is not enough.  I am unsure why I feel this way,  but she does too.  It seems to be a re-occurring theme with people I meet in early recovery.

Between getting to meetings, the meetings and after meetings, getting life back on track and finding new hobbies I’m busy.  It amazes me to watch someone who still actively drinks on weekends and when I say actively I mean  a lot (my husband) how he just sits.  That used to be me, I would sit on Friday afternoon then sit on Saturday as I was hungover, or drink again,  then sit again usually at brunch and Sunday afternoon drinking or being hung over.  Chores did not get done, grocery shopping got delayed if I was hungover, I never went to Yoga or Spin Class or the gym, the only friends I saw were for more drinks never just a coffee and a visit.  My circle of friends did not grow, really nothing happened other than sitting.

And now I seem to have no time, it’s funny how I never thought that way while drinking.  I had so much time and yet really I had no time when I was drinking.

 

Here’s to another Sober Day.

Christina

When you connect

So as I said in my previous post I had a fleeting thought if I was going to make it to 6 months.  On my sober 1/2 a year eve, I thought meh maybe I’ll drink.  Well I know enough to shut that shit down fast.  Saturday rolled around it was there but a little sad there was no parade for me not drinking for 6 months nobody really cares, I didn’t cure cancer or reinvent a wheel.

By Monday I was breathing shallow, I was overwhelmed with my work, and my to do list, and my therapist had my water bottle and she was hammering me over coming to pick it up, ok (she text me once to say she left it with reception) but that was my reaction everything was urgent and frantic.

I run out to get it, and groceries on Monday and I ran into my therapist (also I am very grateful she had it, it’s a beautiful water bottle my sons girlfriend gave to me for Christmas) She says how are you.  I said my anxiety is at a all time high I can’t breathe, she said and what are you doing for it, like seriously lady.  I’m not doing anything I can’t breathe.  She reminds me of my tools, write out my day, figure out what I need to get done, put the rest onto Tuesday and go to my Y12SR (Yoga and 12 Step Recovery Meeting) that night.  I hug her and left water bottle in hand.

Barely make it to Y12SR but I do and I forget my yoga mat I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, running at a high nervous vibe, I didn’t really want to go, I wanted to isolate.  The facilitator says so basically you are self sabotaging, you are walking the path back to what’s comfortable, booze. anxiety,  isolating, not feeling good enough, and just wanting to numb it out.  My response was slow and thought out, yes I was.  She then pointed out that I wasn’t really though.  If I had been I wouldn’t be willing, once I had realized I’d forgotten my mat, I didn’t turn around and leave, I was willing to do the yoga without a mat, I was willing to connect, to share my raw feelings and I just now needed to ground down and  breathe and move my body.

We spoke after,  I never thought (there than being pregnant)  I could be  6 months sober and it really is a turning point, she said it really is just like every day that you choose not to drink. It’s only overwhelming if you let it be, don’t look forward don’t look back stay in today..

The connections I have made in this last 6 months have been incredibly powerful, the wisdom of the women I have connected with is beyond measurable.  Showing up & Sharing & Connecting is one of the reasons I am sober today.

Have a great sober day!

xoxox

GSD, a Side Effect of Sobriety

I was always so exhausted and unmotivated from my hangovers the simplest tasks seemed like my legs weighed a thousand pounds and the dread of doing the not imminent chores or tasks got thrown to the wayside.  Which of course just added up to the longest “didn’t do” list ever.  Which made me anxious and irritable, nothing is worse than the simplest things piling up.

Now I can be a procrastinator, I get this and accept it about myself.  Though tonight I noticed something, at 630PM when I was running out the door to buy stamps for a card that needed to go in the mail tonight…. what I noticed was, I did it and joyfully.  The Side Effect of my Sobriety is Getting Shit Done. It’s a Sunday night usually I was so hungover and feeling down about myself and my wasted  weekend I would not have just popped out, the door or I  worse I was drinking again.

Months back I was exhausted and scared, I went to bed early, I had rocky sleeps, I was looking for stuff to do that didn’t involve drinking, anything to do, but I wasn’t getting shit done.  I was hiding a bit.  I would venture to things like yoga or coffee, or shopping.  Fridays were scary, Sundays were scary and every day in between was scary. Looking back I’m ok with being scared, hiding from the world, and exploring the world in safe places.

It seems like I have woken up and I’m Getting Shit Done.  Those little tasks don’t seem as tiring, I still have a didn’t do list but my to do list also has a lot crossed off.  I’m sleeping really well and not going to sleep as early, and waking up refreshed.  It’s like there’s been a reset button pushed and I’m GSD’ing.

Now off to write my gym workout and layout my gym clothes!  Who is this woman!!!

Happy Sober Day Christina