A Sober book club came about because in early sobriety I was looking for things to do so I found a local book club and it became very apparent the women weren’t here to discuss books, but gossip, discuss their marital woes, or dating stories and DRINK. Oh the wine was flowing like I may as well have stepped into a wine bar. So I talked to a few friends and they all said yes that was how their book clubs were so much drunk fun (insert eyeball here) . One lady said that she warns her colleagues at work when book club night is in order for them to be prepared for her hangover the next day… UGH, it was disheartening, and of course I never went back & have continued to read alone on my own.
A few weeks ago, I started A Teetotalers Online Book Club I thought it might be kind of hokey, an online book club meetings are by zoom, but I like connecting with sober women, and I love to read. Then as the first meeting got closer I got nervous what if no one shows up? I already had a dialogue in my head going on, I was going to shut this meeting down if people weren’t showing up, and all the other negative self talk one can get into when you launch something and then second guess yourself.
Guess what they did show up to the Zoom Call. Guess what it was FUN, and guess what we were from ALL OVER THE WORLD AND we were connecting over sobriety, our life, and BOOKS. And we are all looking forward to next months meeting.
The book chosen to read this month is The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, and if you would like to join us for fun in sobriety, you are more than welcome to this is just the start of something beautiful. A TEETOTALERS BOOK CLUB join here to connect with other amazing sober sisters.
Well let’s just say this, If you didn’t read my blog How to host a dinner party sober yesterday, I’ll give you a recap. It was my husbands birthday, and he chose instead of us going out for a nice dinner a Football watching dinner with his buddy. With Appies, great steaks and seafood, and of course booze, so I wrote a post that included a list of How to host a party sober with 8 great tips here .
Now the tips were great and I followed all of my own advice and yes stayed sober, but here’s the reality.
Dinner was to be at 7pm, the game started around 5pm. So his friend got here around 430 and the booze started flowing by 6pm they were flying high. I came downstairs I had been kicked out for trying to talk this is where my husbands nasty remarks set in (you see the difference between my drinking and his I loved being happy so I just wanted to be happier, I was a fun loud obnoxious drunk, he’s a very unhappy one where his hatred for the world comes out) ,
630ish which was half time and I suggested he put on the steaks and I would start on the seafood, but nooooo they weren’t hungry. Of course not, they were drinking you see how do I know this because this used to be me (insert cringe) I remember this selfishness display “just one more drink” I would tell my son ugh.
7pm rolls around and we have a shit ton of food, so I decided not to serve appies (thinking a late night snack might be better and my husband and I had a snack around 4pm) we had a serious amounts of seafood that are rich and big steaks and I didn’t want it to go to waste. My husband gets angry they are watching the game and fine, my son leaves he decides he’s not sticking around for this shit show and goes for dinner with his friends.
I’m miserably hangry by 745 ish, and the guys then say they want to watch the rest of the game, which they figure should be over by 815 ish, well I decide to put my steak and my sons away, as it had been resting on the counter as I don’t like eating a huge steak at 830 at night, tell my husband this I’ll just have seafood. I go back upstairs.
I come down around 9pm and my husband is seriously angry and decided not to tell me they cooked their steaks and ate the seafood. In his drunken stupor he didn’t hear me say I will just eat some seafood, so I ended up with a bowl of leftover soup from Friday night, a husband that just got nasty and me trying to be nice. So the reality check should have been for this party just order in chinese or pizza or thai at 6pm.
I slept in the spare bed away from the noise and about 1030 the stench of cigars fills the house again, cringe, I know when I would drink too much and it was cold out at times I would start smoking in the house and the shame I have today for putting my son through this, he was little when I would do this, and the house would reek of cigarettes. He hated the smell. The anguish that last night brought me, was not for my husband the ruined birthday or his behaviour. The anguish today is my own selfish awful ways when I was drinking and my son was younger. The heartbreak I am feeling and the apology I owe my son when he gets home today, this weighs heavily on me and my behaviour makes me physically nauseous.
If you are a mom or dad out there, it’s never too late start today, quit drinking even if you just try. If I could have a do over with my child’s childhood, I would have been a much more present parent. I have a FREE DRY JANUARY group if you are at all looking to try.
There are two things that came out of this, a) hosting a party when you are sober it may not go the way as you planned, b) completely unrelated things could come up.
I was discussing this with a Girlfriend the other day and how much time recovery can take up, I never thought about how much time (when I was drinking) it wasted, but all of a sudden I feel as if I need to get everything done IMMEDIATELY. The 24 hours in a day is not enough. I am unsure why I feel this way, but she does too. It seems to be a re-occurring theme with people I meet in early recovery.
Between getting to meetings, the meetings and after meetings, getting life back on track and finding new hobbies I’m busy. It amazes me to watch someone who still actively drinks on weekends and when I say actively I mean a lot (my husband) how he just sits. That used to be me, I would sit on Friday afternoon then sit on Saturday as I was hungover, or drink again, then sit again usually at brunch and Sunday afternoon drinking or being hung over. Chores did not get done, grocery shopping got delayed if I was hungover, I never went to Yoga or Spin Class or the gym, the only friends I saw were for more drinks never just a coffee and a visit. My circle of friends did not grow, really nothing happened other than sitting.
And now I seem to have no time, it’s funny how I never thought that way while drinking. I had so much time and yet really I had no time when I was drinking.