GSD, a Side Effect of Sobriety

I was always so exhausted and unmotivated from my hangovers the simplest tasks seemed like my legs weighed a thousand pounds and the dread of doing the not imminent chores or tasks got thrown to the wayside.  Which of course just added up to the longest “didn’t do” list ever.  Which made me anxious and irritable, nothing is worse than the simplest things piling up.

Now I can be a procrastinator, I get this and accept it about myself.  Though tonight I noticed something, at 630PM when I was running out the door to buy stamps for a card that needed to go in the mail tonight…. what I noticed was, I did it and joyfully.  The Side Effect of my Sobriety is Getting Shit Done. It’s a Sunday night usually I was so hungover and feeling down about myself and my wasted  weekend I would not have just popped out, the door or I  worse I was drinking again.

Months back I was exhausted and scared, I went to bed early, I had rocky sleeps, I was looking for stuff to do that didn’t involve drinking, anything to do, but I wasn’t getting shit done.  I was hiding a bit.  I would venture to things like yoga or coffee, or shopping.  Fridays were scary, Sundays were scary and every day in between was scary. Looking back I’m ok with being scared, hiding from the world, and exploring the world in safe places.

It seems like I have woken up and I’m Getting Shit Done.  Those little tasks don’t seem as tiring, I still have a didn’t do list but my to do list also has a lot crossed off.  I’m sleeping really well and not going to sleep as early, and waking up refreshed.  It’s like there’s been a reset button pushed and I’m GSD’ing.

Now off to write my gym workout and layout my gym clothes!  Who is this woman!!!

Happy Sober Day Christina

I am a worrier, I have the “what if’s”

On Saturday I will honour 6 months of sobriety.  Wow, who can believe it, I barely can.  The saying that really hits me is “just start because the time will pass any ways”

A couple of scenarios that really stick out for me about situations  I have been worried about explaining my non drinking.  It created so much stress leading up to both of these.

  1. I was going away on a scrapbook retreat with 2 other girlfriends, .  Typically it’s a girls weekend and no husbands are around.  Well one of my gf’s who I fly in with her husband was also arriving in town (I’ve known him since I was 18 and love him dearly)  and he’s best friends with the other woman’s husband and the guys were planning a big reunion.  We’ve had some big drinking nights and so much fun, I was worried. I discussed it in my support group, I fretted, I created scenarios in my head,  I went as far as phoning my girlfriend and say I was going to stay at a hotel.  She was like hell no the guys are not impeding in our weekend.  I was still scared.  What actually happened, we all went for Breakfast on the Friday, I got to see my gf’s husband and had a great visit.  Then off  the girls went.  So Friday night  and both the guys were too tired to go out (aging sucks) and they didn’t even meet up.  All the stress leading up to the retreat, the panic, the overthinking was not needed. I had a great weekend, and got to see everyone
  2. My girlfriend arrived from Australia on Christmas Day,  who I haven’t seen in 4 years, but her entire social media prior to arrival was a drunken mess.  I was worried I was going to have to have the “I don’t drink anymore” conversation with her.  We were out every day from Dec 28- Jan 1st and we did everything touristy , not once was I tempted to order a drink and because I drank water or coffee, or tea  she never ordered a drink.  All of the stress leading up to her visit could have been avoided. I enjoyed having her and was exhausted when she left. That could have been from all the activities or drama & chaos that surrounds her.

I have always been a worrier, it is part of the reason I drank, drinking took away the what if’s, my parents taught worrying to me that’s what they do.

I worry about everything in fact as I’m writing this, my son just said he’s going out “gulp” what if he gets into an accident.  Like really that was is my first instinct.   My husband was working in very bad weather conditions the other day  I thought “what if”  he hurts himself, I worry about my tenants in my basement suite and have gotten up in the middle of the night to turn up the heat (even though later they said “it was fine but wondered who was walking around in the middle of the night”)  I thought it was a mother thing then I realized it was a learned behaviour, I watched my parents discuss every worry and then there was nothing to worry about.   Worrying literally takes the joy out of the present moment, and can make me feel physically ill.

It’s been interesting looking back in regards to my sobriety.  Letting go of the thought of “what are people are thinking of me not drinking”  .  On New Year’s Eve I went to a party and I made a kick ass punch oh (I’ll post the recipe below), I was asked by a guy why I wasn’t drinking I just said I didn’t drink he looked at me and told me I was brave to say that.  Give me hell yeah, I am brave!   I’ll always have a back up plan  (to get out of a situation I may be in that puts my sobriety in jeopardy or makes me feel uncomfortable ) but my work I need to do  is not to go into situations, worried & stressed and what if’ing myself to death for a week before.

Any other worriers out there?  Let me know how you cope with worrying.

Here’s to another sober day!

xoxo Christina

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THE PRETTIEST PUNCH RECIPE
(makes 2 water pitchers or put all in punch bowl)

1 Can of Frozen Cranberry McCain Juice
1 Can Frozen Pink Lemonade
Small Bag of Frozen Blueberries
Water (I used 1/2 a can from the Juice Can)
1 2 litre bottle of 7-UP ( I only used 3/4)

Mix to taste if it’s too sweet add a little more water!

Delicious and pretty garnish glasses with lemon or a sprig of mint and if you prefer add ice to the glasses not the punch.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never Feeling Good Enough

I think this is one of the big stressors in my life.  As I get ready to go home to my parents for Christmas, I realized I never felt good enough.  It’s a reason I don’t actually want to go.  I sit here packing and even my clothes aren’t good enough, I wear very modern clothes and my mother does not approve.  I can barely breathe.  My parents always pretended everything was fine, while always criticizing others  Maybe this was part of my rebellion as a teenager.  I hated it.  The perfect family, I just wanted to be happy and joyous.

Well that isn’t our household it’s strained and boring.  No one is themselves.  I basically go through a list of stuff we can’t talk about with my family before we arrive.  It’s such a strain.  No wonder I feel stressed and anxious.  It’s not pretty or fun, it looks perfect though.

So here’s to getting through family get togethers.  I am putting my foot down though next year is at our house and we have decided that we are saying it’s here and if anyone comes that’s great if they choose not to that’s ok.  After travelling for Christmas for over 28 years I want a Christmas in my own house.  I want to play games and have Christmas Carols  being sung and go look at lights, I want to decorate cookies and basically have fun.  It will not look perfect but it will be joyous and fun.

Breathing deeply I must go pack.

 

Here’s to another sober weekend.  Oh and today I have 5 months

Christina