I Quit Easter

It’s the Easter Long Weekend, I used love this holiday when my son was younger, it was just him and I as I was a single mom and hearing the excitement of him waking up to the Easter Bunny making trails of jelly beans to a big ass Easter Basket was the best memory. We used to get dressed up and go to a hotel for Easter Dinner.

Children grow up, I’m not religious so Easter was an excuse to drink. Long Weekend, Hell Yes the sun is shining and an extra day to drink recover repeat.

I always through big Easter Dinners when I was drinking, my family isn’t here so it always meant friends, kids, & lots and lots of wine. Funny thing is you might think I quit hosting them when I was drinking NOPE

I quit doing Easter Dinner when I got sober. Not because I was triggered but because the shit show that ensued and watching as the sober one, was just annoying to me. When I first half assed tried to get sober, I would end up drinking and being angry. Because of course it wasn’t my fault I drank, it was my husbands and my friends and I let them know that . Ugh insert cringe here.

When I finally got sober my first Easter was hell, our friends were all drinking actually that’s not true, they were drunk and the turkey got ruined and one couple was arguing, the whole thing was highly unpleasant.

Then last year my husband got so drunk and obnoxious (ended up breaking my fav mixing bowl) the turkey got ruined again. I went to bed fuming mad the next morning I declared I quit Easter. Yep I quit Easter.

My husband asked if we were doing turkey dinner this year a I told him hell no señor.

This year I’m starting a new tradition we will go for brunch as a family!

I quit Easter.

Hosting Birthday Party Sober, Reality

Hosting Sober Birthday Dinner here’s the reality:

Well let’s just say this, If you didn’t read my blog How to host a dinner party sober yesterday, I’ll give you a recap. It was my husbands birthday, and he chose instead of us going out for a nice dinner a Football watching dinner with his buddy. With Appies, great steaks and seafood, and of course booze, so I wrote a post that included a list of How to host a party sober with 8 great tips here . 

Now the tips were great and I followed all of my own advice and yes stayed sober, but here’s the reality.

  • Dinner was to be at 7pm, the game started around 5pm. So his friend got here around 430 and the booze started flowing by 6pm they were flying high. I came downstairs I had been kicked out for trying to talk this is where my husbands nasty remarks set in (you see the difference between my drinking and his I loved being happy so I just wanted to be happier, I was a fun loud obnoxious drunk, he’s a very unhappy one where his hatred for the world comes out) ,
  • 630ish which was half time and I suggested he put on the steaks and I would start on the seafood, but nooooo they weren’t hungry. Of course not, they were drinking you see how do I know this because this used to be me (insert cringe) I remember this selfishness display “just one more drink” I would tell my son ugh.
  • 7pm rolls around and we have a shit ton of food, so I decided not to serve appies (thinking a late night snack might be better and my husband and I had a snack around 4pm) we had a serious amounts of seafood that are rich and big steaks and I didn’t want it to go to waste. My husband gets angry they are watching the game and fine, my son leaves he decides he’s not sticking around for this shit show and goes for dinner with his friends.
  • I’m miserably hangry by 745 ish, and the guys then say they want to watch the rest of the game, which they figure should be over by 815 ish, well I decide to put my steak and my sons away, as it had been resting on the counter as I don’t like eating a huge steak at 830 at night, tell my husband this I’ll just have seafood. I go back upstairs.
  • I come down around 9pm and my husband is seriously angry and decided not to tell me they cooked their steaks and ate the seafood. In his drunken stupor he didn’t hear me say I will just eat some seafood, so I ended up with a bowl of leftover soup from Friday night, a husband that just got nasty and me trying to be nice. So the reality check should have been for this party just order in chinese or pizza or thai at 6pm.

I slept in the spare bed away from the noise and about 1030 the stench of cigars fills the house again, cringe, I know when I would drink too much and it was cold out at times I would start smoking in the house and the shame I have today for putting my son through this, he was little when I would do this, and the house would reek of cigarettes. He hated the smell. The anguish that last night brought me, was not for my husband the ruined birthday or his behaviour. The anguish today is my own selfish awful ways when I was drinking and my son was younger. The heartbreak I am feeling and the apology I owe my son when he gets home today, this weighs heavily on me and my behaviour makes me physically nauseous.

If you are a mom or dad out there, it’s never too late start today, quit drinking even if you just try. If I could have a do over with my child’s childhood, I would have been a much more present parent. I have a FREE DRY JANUARY group if you are at all looking to try.

There are two things that came out of this, a) hosting a party when you are sober it may not go the way as you planned, b) completely unrelated things could come up.

xoxox Christina

Holy Shit… I forgot I had this blog

Wow I got busy sobriety can do that to you.  I started working on my own fitness company and thought no one wants to hear about my alcohol problems they want to see how you can workout.  So I’ve been focusing on that.

I FREAKING HONOURED A YEARS SOBRIETY IN AUGUST,  along with being a year cigarette free!   CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, I CAN’T, I still can’t its so surreal.  I celebrated by going to Paris, where everyone drinks and smokes and I had the best time ever, being so present in a city that’s beyond describable in beauty ( or maybe it is I’m just not that great at descriptions lol).  Every morning (that I wasn’t jet lagged – yeah not hungover, jet lagged) I woke up and ran by the Eiffel Tower, through the park to the Trocadero  (no crowds just stunning sunrises, the park mostly to myself, I fell so in love with Paris and with my life again.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so grateful for my sobriety, for my life in being able to take in the moments.

I never wanted to drink in Paris, but I wanted to smoke (they still have ashtrays on the patio restaurant tables wtf hmmm coffee and cigarettes)  but I didn’t, because I know that’s a slippery slope for me.  My awareness level of the amount of drinking hough was huge, and even my husband noticed it.  Women after work sitting drinking alone in cafes, reading a book.  I spoke to women that weren’t from Paris but other parts of Northern Europe and they too noticed it, I thought it was just us Canadians that maybe weren’t used to it NOPE,  women drink a lot more in public alone there.  I wanted to tell them there’s another way, there’s another way,  as I drank my amazing cappuccino’s.

Life still has it’s ups and downs, but if it didn’t that would be boring.  I came out publicly on my  fitness social media as sober a few weeks ago.  Well I drip fed it, first I admitted I smoked for years full time when I first started working out  then only when I drank, then I admitted I binged drank heavily.  Interestingly enough my clients, my chiropractor, friends have been super supportive.  Funny enough my closest friend since Grade 5 though didn’t say fuck all to me (she doesn’t have a drinking problem at all) I was a little hurt no I was a lot hurt.  Like nothing we text every day not a fucking word and I know she sees all my posts.   Still haven’t said anything to my parents, I hate judgement and gossip and a pity party (which is how they live).  I fully believe that taking action first and announcing it to the world second worked for me.

I had a conversation with my son he’s 22, that I was going to come out on Instagram (which is my business platform) about being sober.  I asked him if he’d noticed I’d stopped drinking (remember this conversation is a year into my sobriety now LOL).  He said yes.   I told him I was going to come out about my binge drinking and struggles around alcohol. He nodded asked me if he was going to find out anything weird, I shrugged said yes probably.  We laughed.  He then said “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a glass of wine”  I said “when did you ever see me have ONE glass of wine” He laughed and said “good point”    I then said if I could have one glass I wouldn’t be sober.  And then in typical 22 year old style he changed the subject. He has liked every one of my sobriety posts and so have his friends, so I hope I’m inspiring them to know at a younger age than me that you can have a life without drinking and if they are struggling to take a look at it now. It’s so much better.

Ok for now my sober loves.  Have a good one.

xoxo Christina