FOMO While Travelling Sober

FOMO While Travelling Sober

FOMO while travelling can really lead down a rabbit hole of self destruction. This past week I travelled from winter weather (chilly but sunny) to a self development self love conference in SUNNY New Port Beach California. A travel tip I live by is hit up the grocery store for provisions as Hangry doesn’t just happen at home.

Off I walked to Whole Foods, which is located in a very posh, very beautiful place called Fashion Island. BAM it hit me, that itch, all I could see while walking there were these beautiful patios, filled with beautiful people, sitting drinking. I haven’t had that itch in a while (it’s been winter here) and it was a sinking feeling.

I used to like Whole Foods concept, but by the time I was finished buying my provisions and had to cruise by the Booze Section, my thoughts were heading into a negative spiral, Whole Foods doesn’t care about your health or they wouldn’t be carrying Booze. By the time I got out of Whole Foods I had a full on hate going for the store. ( I call it Whole Paycheck seriously who shops at this store regularly, so overpriced, especially now considering Amazon owns it) as you can guess I was even pissier. I’ve been plastered by the lure of cocktails from the moment I touched down in the sun. FOMO kicks in I think I am the only one in California, not sitting on a patio drinking, except it’s about 1pm on Thursday, but my rational brain has not kicked in on this.

Friday Night the first night of the conference begins and I chose not to purchase the VIP option of this conference as it is a Wine Night, I made this choice months ago, the friends I am with are all going and the FOMO is beating on my brain, again I am the only one (which is not true) not drinking while travelling. I’m exhausted from sightseeing and walking, I’m emotionally tired from the alcohol vibes, I want to sleep, but I can’t. I’m having serious FOND (Fear of Not Drinking). Even though my friends have been great ( they aren’t sober people, but also don’t have drinking issues) it’s always the voice inside my head that’s the loudest.

I sat and cried and when I did so I also had a thought, WHY am I here?

Not here physically with a drinking problem, but why am I here in California. Why did I travel to this event? Why did I spend all this money?

My mom always taught me travelling was the best form of education, and a lot of vacations I have drank away and been so hungover I didn’t want to do anything the next day, but sit lay by a pool or in bed and sleep. I did not go on the tours booked, boat rides offered, exploring, or even out of the hotel, due to hangovers, I would miss the days.

“You can drink anywhere, why would you drink while travelling? The reason to travel isn’t to drink, but to explore, be curious, soak in what you are there for”

This one though changed my entire trip, it ended the FOMO, it ended all my feelings about drinking and the romanticizing of the drinking. I am not hear to drink, I’m hear to love myself and be a part of an event of 500 women and to recharge, to connect and to learn.

I had this realization once I asked myself the above, I wasn’t missing out, I was gaining the most from this experience I could by being present.

This past year I have had the privilege to travel extensively sober and honestly have been the best travel of my life.

So instead of FOMO and feeling sorry for myself I looked at what I got from this trip was far more valuable than any cocktail could ever offer me.

xoxox Christina

The changes I have incurred

I am sitting here fuming I’m hungry, it’s 7pm and we haven’t eaten dinner (that’s another story)  and I thought about the changes that have occurred in the last 6 months since I’ve stopped drinking.

  1. I HAVE NO HANGOVER such an amazing feeling
  2. I eat dinner earlier, I never used to get dinner on the table sometimes until 8pm when I was drinking, and even then we sometimes would have to order in or I’d be serving munchies to tide us over. (So much mom guilt about this, from when my son was younger)
  3.  Drinking caused me not to eat, consciously sometimes as I would save my calories for drinking, now I live in a calorie deficit and I occasionally eat dessert and have ZERO guilt about it.
  4. My social media is exactly where I left it the night before, no checking texts or facebook to see what I have said or who I talked to (ugh)
  5. There are no grandiose plans being made.  I came across an email today I had about a fitness challenge that I wrote to a lady saying my husband would get on board.  Drunken plans
  6. I don’t smoke ugh I’d kill off a pack of cigarettes in a night.
  7. I married a man that we have nothing in common other than we drank together and made grandiose plans.
  8. I get up and workout, I meditate, I take care of my health.
  9. I do what I say I’m going to do and if I break my commitment it’s not because I have a hangover.
  10. I say no thank you. I don’t justify it. I don’t say yes then lie my way out of it later.
  11. I am productive.
  12. Ive made quality friends
  13. I feel a lot of feelings, today I started to cry because of the state of the world. Water running out in S. Africa, a baby raped in India, housing no longer affordable in my city, our insurance corporations fraud both internally and externally. I just cried.

And one of the most significant changes is making myself a priority, my mindset I am grateful, I always try to see the bright side of life, and I am present.  I don’t say sobriety is a gift because I work every day for it. Those are the few of my changes that have happened consciously or unconsciously through the months.

 

Here’s to another Sober Day.

Christina

 

When you connect

So as I said in my previous post I had a fleeting thought if I was going to make it to 6 months.  On my sober 1/2 a year eve, I thought meh maybe I’ll drink.  Well I know enough to shut that shit down fast.  Saturday rolled around it was there but a little sad there was no parade for me not drinking for 6 months nobody really cares, I didn’t cure cancer or reinvent a wheel.

By Monday I was breathing shallow, I was overwhelmed with my work, and my to do list, and my therapist had my water bottle and she was hammering me over coming to pick it up, ok (she text me once to say she left it with reception) but that was my reaction everything was urgent and frantic.

I run out to get it, and groceries on Monday and I ran into my therapist (also I am very grateful she had it, it’s a beautiful water bottle my sons girlfriend gave to me for Christmas) She says how are you.  I said my anxiety is at a all time high I can’t breathe, she said and what are you doing for it, like seriously lady.  I’m not doing anything I can’t breathe.  She reminds me of my tools, write out my day, figure out what I need to get done, put the rest onto Tuesday and go to my Y12SR (Yoga and 12 Step Recovery Meeting) that night.  I hug her and left water bottle in hand.

Barely make it to Y12SR but I do and I forget my yoga mat I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, running at a high nervous vibe, I didn’t really want to go, I wanted to isolate.  The facilitator says so basically you are self sabotaging, you are walking the path back to what’s comfortable, booze. anxiety,  isolating, not feeling good enough, and just wanting to numb it out.  My response was slow and thought out, yes I was.  She then pointed out that I wasn’t really though.  If I had been I wouldn’t be willing, once I had realized I’d forgotten my mat, I didn’t turn around and leave, I was willing to do the yoga without a mat, I was willing to connect, to share my raw feelings and I just now needed to ground down and  breathe and move my body.

We spoke after,  I never thought (there than being pregnant)  I could be  6 months sober and it really is a turning point, she said it really is just like every day that you choose not to drink. It’s only overwhelming if you let it be, don’t look forward don’t look back stay in today..

The connections I have made in this last 6 months have been incredibly powerful, the wisdom of the women I have connected with is beyond measurable.  Showing up & Sharing & Connecting is one of the reasons I am sober today.

Have a great sober day!

xoxox