Holy Shit… I forgot I had this blog

Wow I got busy sobriety can do that to you.  I started working on my own fitness company and thought no one wants to hear about my alcohol problems they want to see how you can workout.  So I’ve been focusing on that.

I FREAKING HONOURED A YEARS SOBRIETY IN AUGUST,  along with being a year cigarette free!   CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, I CAN’T, I still can’t its so surreal.  I celebrated by going to Paris, where everyone drinks and smokes and I had the best time ever, being so present in a city that’s beyond describable in beauty ( or maybe it is I’m just not that great at descriptions lol).  Every morning (that I wasn’t jet lagged – yeah not hungover, jet lagged) I woke up and ran by the Eiffel Tower, through the park to the Trocadero  (no crowds just stunning sunrises, the park mostly to myself, I fell so in love with Paris and with my life again.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so grateful for my sobriety, for my life in being able to take in the moments.

I never wanted to drink in Paris, but I wanted to smoke (they still have ashtrays on the patio restaurant tables wtf hmmm coffee and cigarettes)  but I didn’t, because I know that’s a slippery slope for me.  My awareness level of the amount of drinking hough was huge, and even my husband noticed it.  Women after work sitting drinking alone in cafes, reading a book.  I spoke to women that weren’t from Paris but other parts of Northern Europe and they too noticed it, I thought it was just us Canadians that maybe weren’t used to it NOPE,  women drink a lot more in public alone there.  I wanted to tell them there’s another way, there’s another way,  as I drank my amazing cappuccino’s.

Life still has it’s ups and downs, but if it didn’t that would be boring.  I came out publicly on my  fitness social media as sober a few weeks ago.  Well I drip fed it, first I admitted I smoked for years full time when I first started working out  then only when I drank, then I admitted I binged drank heavily.  Interestingly enough my clients, my chiropractor, friends have been super supportive.  Funny enough my closest friend since Grade 5 though didn’t say fuck all to me (she doesn’t have a drinking problem at all) I was a little hurt no I was a lot hurt.  Like nothing we text every day not a fucking word and I know she sees all my posts.   Still haven’t said anything to my parents, I hate judgement and gossip and a pity party (which is how they live).  I fully believe that taking action first and announcing it to the world second worked for me.

I had a conversation with my son he’s 22, that I was going to come out on Instagram (which is my business platform) about being sober.  I asked him if he’d noticed I’d stopped drinking (remember this conversation is a year into my sobriety now LOL).  He said yes.   I told him I was going to come out about my binge drinking and struggles around alcohol. He nodded asked me if he was going to find out anything weird, I shrugged said yes probably.  We laughed.  He then said “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a glass of wine”  I said “when did you ever see me have ONE glass of wine” He laughed and said “good point”    I then said if I could have one glass I wouldn’t be sober.  And then in typical 22 year old style he changed the subject. He has liked every one of my sobriety posts and so have his friends, so I hope I’m inspiring them to know at a younger age than me that you can have a life without drinking and if they are struggling to take a look at it now. It’s so much better.

Ok for now my sober loves.  Have a good one.

xoxo Christina

 

 

 

 

Recovery Takes Up Time

I was discussing this with a Girlfriend the other day and how much time recovery can take up, I never thought about how much time (when I was drinking) it wasted, but all of a sudden I feel as if I need to get everything done IMMEDIATELY.  The 24 hours in a day is not enough.  I am unsure why I feel this way,  but she does too.  It seems to be a re-occurring theme with people I meet in early recovery.

Between getting to meetings, the meetings and after meetings, getting life back on track and finding new hobbies I’m busy.  It amazes me to watch someone who still actively drinks on weekends and when I say actively I mean  a lot (my husband) how he just sits.  That used to be me, I would sit on Friday afternoon then sit on Saturday as I was hungover, or drink again,  then sit again usually at brunch and Sunday afternoon drinking or being hung over.  Chores did not get done, grocery shopping got delayed if I was hungover, I never went to Yoga or Spin Class or the gym, the only friends I saw were for more drinks never just a coffee and a visit.  My circle of friends did not grow, really nothing happened other than sitting.

And now I seem to have no time, it’s funny how I never thought that way while drinking.  I had so much time and yet really I had no time when I was drinking.

 

Here’s to another Sober Day.

Christina

The changes I have incurred

I am sitting here fuming I’m hungry, it’s 7pm and we haven’t eaten dinner (that’s another story)  and I thought about the changes that have occurred in the last 6 months since I’ve stopped drinking.

  1. I HAVE NO HANGOVER such an amazing feeling
  2. I eat dinner earlier, I never used to get dinner on the table sometimes until 8pm when I was drinking, and even then we sometimes would have to order in or I’d be serving munchies to tide us over. (So much mom guilt about this, from when my son was younger)
  3.  Drinking caused me not to eat, consciously sometimes as I would save my calories for drinking, now I live in a calorie deficit and I occasionally eat dessert and have ZERO guilt about it.
  4. My social media is exactly where I left it the night before, no checking texts or facebook to see what I have said or who I talked to (ugh)
  5. There are no grandiose plans being made.  I came across an email today I had about a fitness challenge that I wrote to a lady saying my husband would get on board.  Drunken plans
  6. I don’t smoke ugh I’d kill off a pack of cigarettes in a night.
  7. I married a man that we have nothing in common other than we drank together and made grandiose plans.
  8. I get up and workout, I meditate, I take care of my health.
  9. I do what I say I’m going to do and if I break my commitment it’s not because I have a hangover.
  10. I say no thank you. I don’t justify it. I don’t say yes then lie my way out of it later.
  11. I am productive.
  12. Ive made quality friends
  13. I feel a lot of feelings, today I started to cry because of the state of the world. Water running out in S. Africa, a baby raped in India, housing no longer affordable in my city, our insurance corporations fraud both internally and externally. I just cried.

And one of the most significant changes is making myself a priority, my mindset I am grateful, I always try to see the bright side of life, and I am present.  I don’t say sobriety is a gift because I work every day for it. Those are the few of my changes that have happened consciously or unconsciously through the months.

 

Here’s to another Sober Day.

Christina