Mocktails are not all innocent

Mocktails are not all innocent

A recovery coach told me when I got sober, to go through the same ritual with mocktails, that I did with my cocktails, make a fancy drink they said, put it in a fancy glass enjoy. So on a hot May evening in 2017 that’s what I did, following the exact same habit looking up a recipe, making the mocktail, adding it to a fancy glass, with a lemon wedge, then sitting on the patio and then pretending. I might as well have just added the vodka to this pretty drink right then and there. I drank the next night. I have never made a mocktail at home again.

I never liked the idea of making mocktails at home, typically I drink water in general, before I got sober, I gave up pop years ago (was never a big drinker of it anyways) sometimes I’ll have fresh OJ with brunch, and of course Grape Gatorade when I was hungover (funny thing is I haven’t had a Gatorade since I got sober). But in general I drink 1 cup of coffee in the morning, and water. So the mocktail to me is like calling a tofu steak a real beef steak, it was not the real deal and when your in the mood for a beef steak and you get served tofu, it doesn’t cut it, in fact it made me crave alcohol more than ever.

I do order mocktails out sometimes, at work events or on Valentines Day and the Occasional Special dinner out but honestly 90% of them have been ok 10% have been amazing the one I paid $9.00 for, I felt ripped off.

The other problem I find with mocktails is they tend to be high in sugar drinks. Which in turn I crave more sugar.

I have tried other drinks like la croix and honestly it was just carbonated water, which I am not a fan of carbonated drinks. I don’t like feeling bloated and their coconut flavour tasted like Malibu to me. So another trigger.

So in the end I decided I’ll just stick with my water & coffee and my afternoon tea because mocktails are not all innocent to me.

Have you ever found mocktails triggering or do they satisfy the craving for a drink for you? Tell me in the comments I’m super interested.

xoxoxo Christina

How to host a Birthday Dinner, Sober

How to host a Birthday Dinner, Sober

I am the host tonight of a birthday dinner, sober Tonight is my husbands birthday, a few noticeable things, have come up he hasn’t a lot of friends (except 1 ) and that one friend is a great friend to him and he’s MR FUN. I believe you should have one great friend instead of a 25 acquaintances (which he does have) . He prefers to stay home instead of going out ( we are very different that way)

It’s his Birthday so he gets to choose what we do, and guess what, evidently there’s a football game on (insert groan here) that he insists trumps going out for dinner. He also gets to choose what we eat and drink (or what he drinks not me)

So today I started organizing more of a football party than a birthday party. Appies are 5 different high end cheeses and crackers (no potato chips here) so today I made a lovely platter. He chose surf and turf, NOT A VEGETABLE IN SIGHT so off to the butcher for good steaks, and seafood so off to the local seafood market for King Crab Legs, and Scallops I went, and of course he wanted Beer and Rum. And that’s where the BOUNDARIES had to come into place. I had a small inkling today for wine for some reason. In fact I’ve had a couple of triggers in the past few days, I’m tired my sleep has been very broken that’s part of the reason. I picked up a lime for my salad dressing the other night and thought oh I could make Margaritas – oops I don’t drink.


  1. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S BOOZE, THEY CAN GO BUY IT AND BRING IT, OR IF IT’S FOR YOUR SPOUSE THEY CAN GO PICK IT UP. Never put yourself in a situation where you might pick up a bottle of your liquor of choice.
  2. Ensure you have something to drink, whether it’s a mocktail, a water, tea, what ever it may be just something in your hand.
  3. Keep busy during the dinner, cooking, cleaning, serving, eating
  4. EAT & Breathe
  5. If it’s just a small intimate group like tonight there is 5 of us, and all but me are drinking at an appropriate time (aka as long as you can stand it and get out unscathed) excuse yourself and GO TO BED.
  6. Bonus: 4 deep breaths in through the nostril 4 long breaths out. Do 10 times, if you have to hide in the bathroom.
  7. Plan something for tomorrow. I am meeting a friend at the gym at 10AM, for a brutal leg day session planned and if it’s nice out I’m going to run there.
  8. Play the tape out to the end. The stupidity, the argument, the relief it will feel for a moment and then the anxiety, guilt, shame, and of course play your HANGOVER out and your cancelling on tomorrows plans. Remember it’s not worth it. That’s why you stopped drinking in the first place.

Don’t forget to enjoy the Dinner/Party/Birthday and going to bed sober, that’s what I’ll be doing tonight!

xoxox Christina

I am a worrier, I have the “what if’s”

On Saturday I will honour 6 months of sobriety.  Wow, who can believe it, I barely can.  The saying that really hits me is “just start because the time will pass any ways”

A couple of scenarios that really stick out for me about situations  I have been worried about explaining my non drinking.  It created so much stress leading up to both of these.

  1. I was going away on a scrapbook retreat with 2 other girlfriends, .  Typically it’s a girls weekend and no husbands are around.  Well one of my gf’s who I fly in with her husband was also arriving in town (I’ve known him since I was 18 and love him dearly)  and he’s best friends with the other woman’s husband and the guys were planning a big reunion.  We’ve had some big drinking nights and so much fun, I was worried. I discussed it in my support group, I fretted, I created scenarios in my head,  I went as far as phoning my girlfriend and say I was going to stay at a hotel.  She was like hell no the guys are not impeding in our weekend.  I was still scared.  What actually happened, we all went for Breakfast on the Friday, I got to see my gf’s husband and had a great visit.  Then off  the girls went.  So Friday night  and both the guys were too tired to go out (aging sucks) and they didn’t even meet up.  All the stress leading up to the retreat, the panic, the overthinking was not needed. I had a great weekend, and got to see everyone
  2. My girlfriend arrived from Australia on Christmas Day,  who I haven’t seen in 4 years, but her entire social media prior to arrival was a drunken mess.  I was worried I was going to have to have the “I don’t drink anymore” conversation with her.  We were out every day from Dec 28- Jan 1st and we did everything touristy , not once was I tempted to order a drink and because I drank water or coffee, or tea  she never ordered a drink.  All of the stress leading up to her visit could have been avoided. I enjoyed having her and was exhausted when she left. That could have been from all the activities or drama & chaos that surrounds her.

I have always been a worrier, it is part of the reason I drank, drinking took away the what if’s, my parents taught worrying to me that’s what they do.

I worry about everything in fact as I’m writing this, my son just said he’s going out “gulp” what if he gets into an accident.  Like really that was is my first instinct.   My husband was working in very bad weather conditions the other day  I thought “what if”  he hurts himself, I worry about my tenants in my basement suite and have gotten up in the middle of the night to turn up the heat (even though later they said “it was fine but wondered who was walking around in the middle of the night”)  I thought it was a mother thing then I realized it was a learned behaviour, I watched my parents discuss every worry and then there was nothing to worry about.   Worrying literally takes the joy out of the present moment, and can make me feel physically ill.

It’s been interesting looking back in regards to my sobriety.  Letting go of the thought of “what are people are thinking of me not drinking”  .  On New Year’s Eve I went to a party and I made a kick ass punch oh (I’ll post the recipe below), I was asked by a guy why I wasn’t drinking I just said I didn’t drink he looked at me and told me I was brave to say that.  Give me hell yeah, I am brave!   I’ll always have a back up plan  (to get out of a situation I may be in that puts my sobriety in jeopardy or makes me feel uncomfortable ) but my work I need to do  is not to go into situations, worried & stressed and what if’ing myself to death for a week before.

Any other worriers out there?  Let me know how you cope with worrying.

Here’s to another sober day!

xoxo Christina





(makes 2 water pitchers or put all in punch bowl)

1 Can of Frozen Cranberry McCain Juice
1 Can Frozen Pink Lemonade
Small Bag of Frozen Blueberries
Water (I used 1/2 a can from the Juice Can)
1 2 litre bottle of 7-UP ( I only used 3/4)

Mix to taste if it’s too sweet add a little more water!

Delicious and pretty garnish glasses with lemon or a sprig of mint and if you prefer add ice to the glasses not the punch.