Expectation vs Reality

Expectation vs Reality

Thursday I was to leave on a road trip at noon, well at 2pm I was still waiting for my girlfriend to pick me up. Waiting and waiting as we didn’t end up leaving until 3pm. Now if you have ever tried to get away from home, as a business owner, wife, mom, fur mom you know that this is never easy. By 230 I was getting pissed off, I had been up since 5am getting ready to leave for noon.

This is a girls trip and we were road tripping for about 5 hours, as my girlfriend is competing in a body building/fitness competition. When I agreed to I go I was so excited to be going away. Expecting a super instagrammable girls weekend, doing fun things in a different city and then being with her watching her journey onto the stage.

Though the last 24 hours is not what I expected. We left late yesterday due some unfortunate circumstances with a family emergency late Wednesday and her leaving things to the last minute to do (like cooking and packing her food & packing)

We arrive around 8pm and I needed to eat so I went to the hotel bar by myself ate. Then it was getting organized and off to bed. Today we were up early she had check in with her coach and we had to run around for an hour. Getting some more food for her which she hadn’t bought or cooked enough. I was planning after this we would head off and explore for a few hours. She was tired, so instead of doing anything today (remember I have no car and no uber here) back to the hotel room.

So I decide no more sitting around for me!!! Off to the pool for a swim then I sat in the lobby and did some work & read. I then decided to head out and go for a walk and poke around the mall across the street. This did help pass the time this afternoon.

I’m bored out of my mind. Why because I expected something different. It’s raining here, and it never rains in the city we are in especially in July, I thought my girlfriend would be happy, she’s not. She’s tired and #hangry

Expectation VS Reality is super common, sometimes we don’t even realize we’ve put expectations on things (like this trip). It can happen with relationships, jobs, dates, special occasions and events (think weddings, family reunions, christenings etc.

WHAT TO DO:

Try to not hype an event up. I think back to my wedding I really had low expectations of it. We were married in a very rural part of Panama – Central America, in a boutique hotel that had never held a wedding. I really didn’t know how it was going to go. It was amazing and it ended up being one of my most fun nights of my life, I loved my wedding)

Putting it into perspective, I had more expectations for this trip than my wedding.

Change the things you can and let go of what you can’t.

I’m not good with boredom. So I can’t control that my girlfriend is tired and hangry and that she just wants to relax. I can control my boredom (I am writing this post,) I went and did my own things and I went out for dinner again. You cannot control anyone else, just yourself.

Communicate

My girlfriend and I decided because of the weather not to stay the extra day here, like we were going to.

Let Go of the Expectation

Let it be what it is going to be and make the best of the situation. So yes let it go, while it’s happening. I’m catching up on work, reading and will hit the gym tomorrow morning, and will go and enjoy watching the Fitness show.

I’ve been on bad dates and just decided to enjoy it for what it was. Visits with my family that were less than stellar and just counted down the hours. My son decided not to go to University but he’s super happy at what he’s doing now. Let go of your expectations.

xoxoxo Christina

Alcohol in the house when you are sober

On Friday night I hosted a dinner party for business associates of my husband that I did not know, but knew they weren’t big drinkers (one of them is going through chemo). So I wasn’t super worried about it. I have alcohol in my house my husband still drinks. The other factor is I have not isolated myself, ie stopped going places that serves alcohol. I know people that won’t even go into the Starbucks that serves beer. Please also remember at the beginning of my sobriety, I was very careful where I would go (IE I would not sit on a patio on a hot summers day with everyone around me drinking a chardonnay) but at this stage of my journey I know could could care less about booze.

The two things I have not had in my house and won’t have in my house since I got sober is wine and this drink called Hey Y’all. Both were my drink of choice.

So as many of you know when hosting a dinner party, it’s not just the dinner prep, its the tidying of the house, putting away the crap on the front hallway table that’s accumulated (running gear mainly) dusting the built in shelves in the living room that the couch doesn’t face and honestly I’m not sure when I last dusted them, cleaning the main bathroom, cleaning up the plant that Billy (my cat) knocked over in the process while I was cleaning, all the little things that go with prepping a dinner party. By the time dinner was well underway, I was tired and quite hungry.

I had not been there to greet our guests, I headed back into the kitchen though to serve dinner, and low and behold one of our guests had brought me a bottle of wine and it was just sitting on the counter just sitting on the counter like so many times before. Unopened, just sitting staring at me. A cold shiver ran down the back of my neck. I served dinner.

Now I’ve been around wine, people drinking it doesn’t bother me, just NOT in my house.

My husband and I rarely talk about my not drinking or my reasons what led up to me not wanting to drink, when I told him I need to quit drinking his first reaction was you need to quit smoking you don’t have a drinking problem.

When we went to clean up after the guests left (omg dinner party are the best when people are not getting shit faced, cleaning up at 930pm) I looked at my husband and looked at the bottle and I said this gives me shivers. He’s like why not take it to our tenants downstairs, then I said something else, and he said it’s still early take it down NOW. I put my flip flops on and zipped downstairs and handed a nice bottle of wine to the couple, who were thrilled.

Moral of this story, you can be strong in your sobriety, you can keep alcohol in your house, you can go out with friends who drink. DO NOT keep your drink or drug of choice (nicotine is my drug of choice) in your house. Why tempt fate.

The changes I have incurred

I am sitting here fuming I’m hungry, it’s 7pm and we haven’t eaten dinner (that’s another story)  and I thought about the changes that have occurred in the last 6 months since I’ve stopped drinking.

  1. I HAVE NO HANGOVER such an amazing feeling
  2. I eat dinner earlier, I never used to get dinner on the table sometimes until 8pm when I was drinking, and even then we sometimes would have to order in or I’d be serving munchies to tide us over. (So much mom guilt about this, from when my son was younger)
  3.  Drinking caused me not to eat, consciously sometimes as I would save my calories for drinking, now I live in a calorie deficit and I occasionally eat dessert and have ZERO guilt about it.
  4. My social media is exactly where I left it the night before, no checking texts or facebook to see what I have said or who I talked to (ugh)
  5. There are no grandiose plans being made.  I came across an email today I had about a fitness challenge that I wrote to a lady saying my husband would get on board.  Drunken plans
  6. I don’t smoke ugh I’d kill off a pack of cigarettes in a night.
  7. I married a man that we have nothing in common other than we drank together and made grandiose plans.
  8. I get up and workout, I meditate, I take care of my health.
  9. I do what I say I’m going to do and if I break my commitment it’s not because I have a hangover.
  10. I say no thank you. I don’t justify it. I don’t say yes then lie my way out of it later.
  11. I am productive.
  12. Ive made quality friends
  13. I feel a lot of feelings, today I started to cry because of the state of the world. Water running out in S. Africa, a baby raped in India, housing no longer affordable in my city, our insurance corporations fraud both internally and externally. I just cried.

And one of the most significant changes is making myself a priority, my mindset I am grateful, I always try to see the bright side of life, and I am present.  I don’t say sobriety is a gift because I work every day for it. Those are the few of my changes that have happened consciously or unconsciously through the months.

 

Here’s to another Sober Day.

Christina