I Am Your Wife, Not Your Drinking Buddy

“I am your wife, not your drinking buddy” I yelled at my husband. This was the first of many arguments we had when I brought up the subject we need to quit drinking. This was years before I actually quit. Our marriage was bad, we were always arguing, I tallied up our receipts about the third week in August and our patio drinking bills were over $900.00 (that didn’t include what we drank at home) eventually our marriage was under so much stress, he agreed. We quit for like a hot minute.

I had a pattern of picking men, that like myself liked to drink. I have an ex boyfriend that said when we went on our first date he was glad to see I wasn’t some prude that had two drinks (should have been a red flag right there) Though back, then drinking hadn’t become the devastating evil drug it is to me today. I could function.

When I met my husband we liked to drink but there was also a balance in our relationship of hanging out and going and doing things. The problem is that shifted and by the time that August came we were probably 5 years into our relationship, all we were doing together was drinking.

Didn’t we both need to quit?

You see I thought we both had to quit, in order for me to quit. I wasn’t ready to take personal responsibility for my own life. I blamed him and it’s true we were drinking a lot and regularly together. BUT if I am unhappy I have to change my life.

Me quitting drinking was a decision I came to on my own, I didn’t even give him, or are marriage a thought in this process, of me quitting. The level of hangovers that every time I drank I wanted off earth. I would spiral, he didn’t even see it. I life, I didn’t like myself.

We are still together, the first year of my sobriety, I didn’t think we were going to make it. It changed our lives completely. I never actually told him I was quitting I just took action and did it. Fucked up and took action again until my sobriety stuck. My husband wasn’t supportive of my not drinking, he lost a drinking buddy, it’s ok he found others.

I’d love to hear if anyone else was their spouses drinking buddy, or struggles with this. Leave your comment below.

xoxo Christina

Shrinking Your But

I had always loved to party. It made me feel powerful, It made me feel sexy, It made me feel like I belonged. Until it didn’t.

I am not going to sugar coat this post, I’m super direct, and that’s my coaching style with both fitness and sobriety. You have to shrink your but. Not your butt, your but. So many people come to me and say I am ready to quit drinking… but. Your buts can be endless

a) I’m going on vacation

b) I’m super stressed (work, relationships, motherhood)

c) It’s Christmas

d) my best friend is getting married

e) there’s a work thing

f) It’s the weekend

g) I need to keep hanging onto my boyfriend

h) it’s summer

i) it’s Christmas

j) it’s my birthday soon

k) I’m graduating

l) I have a family reunion

m) I’m so busy

n) I am part of a wine club

o) my spouse drinks

p) all my friends drink

q) no one knows I have a problem

r) what will everyone say

s) I have anxiety

t) I have depression

u) I’m getting married

v) I can try moderating again

w) I need to let loose & have fun

x) I don’t want to go to AA

y) I have social anxiety

z) but what if I fail

You know what I say to all of this, it’s excuses and every single one of these is or might happen and its called LIFE, whether you drink or not. BUT you are also on the right track, why because you are looking at your relationship with alcohol.

You see for years I didn’t really have a problem I could control it, when the partying got out of control I would scale it back.

This went well, until my late 30’s and all of a sudden I realized my drinking got out of control and I tried to reign it and I couldn’t, no matter what I did. I knew I needed to quit but my buts were too big. I had an excuse for everything. Every one of those 26 excuses up there is my but not to quit drinking. Which meant I had to go through some more pain, a lot more pain until I decided my Why to quit was bigger, than my but.

I shrank my but, and finally got sober!

ALCOHOL AND SUGAR ADDICTION

Many who stop drinking find themselves turning to sugar a transfer of addiction. I have found people have actually been told to eat sugar because sugar will quell the alcohol cravings.

Give me all the sugar

Which is true, to a degree, but telling an addict to transfer one addiction to another substance is a tough one for me to swallow, it’s transference. Like hey quit drinking but start a shopping addiction. So here’s some keys to avoiding transferring alcohol to eating all the candy.

Here are some tips to help avoiding transferring alcohol to a sugar addiction.

  1. Eat Berries & Fruits (snack type food keeps your hands busy) that’s healthy and contains sugar but also nutrients. An apple with peanut butter is my favorite snack
  2. Smoothies are a great way to feel full and satisfy a sweet tooth with a health benefit (make them at home in the blender – store bought are full of added sugars)
  3. Keep a plate of veggies (already chopped) in the fridge & dip) ready for snacking
  4. Sweet potatoes are a complex carb that when you bake they candy, add cinnamon and they are a healthy treat.
  5. Chocolate Protein powder is my favorite I add it to my oatmeal, my plain yogurt or as my post workout shake with berries. It helps me get my extra protein in and satisfys a sweet tooth.
  6. Chew gum
  7. Keep your hands busy
  8. Do not buy what you cannot eat in moderation in your house. If you want something you actually have to leave and go get a treat (you’ll see me on instagram going and getting a blizzard every once in a while, because I do not keep ice-cream in my house)
  9. Don’t buy treats at Costco ( enough said LOL)
  10. Exercise yes go for a walk, take up tennis, go swimming, and do it on a regular schedule not just once in a while.

Many people struggle with this, you are not alone, but know that it does not have to continue or even start. You can eat healthy, be healthy and get sober or be sober without transferring your addiction.

Subscribe to my free weekly newsletter called F.I.T. (Fitness/Food, Inspiration & Teetotaler Tips) and if you are struggling with sugar transference apply to work with me Fit & Sober Coaching we address food, sobriety & fitness.

As always I hope these tips helped and reach out anytime xoxoxox Christina