Shrinking Your But

I had always loved to party. It made me feel powerful, It made me feel sexy, It made me feel like I belonged. Until it didn’t.

I am not going to sugar coat this post, I’m super direct, and that’s my coaching style with both fitness and sobriety. You have to shrink your but. Not your butt, your but. So many people come to me and say I am ready to quit drinking… but. Your buts can be endless

a) I’m going on vacation

b) I’m super stressed (work, relationships, motherhood)

c) It’s Christmas

d) my best friend is getting married

e) there’s a work thing

f) It’s the weekend

g) I need to keep hanging onto my boyfriend

h) it’s summer

i) it’s Christmas

j) it’s my birthday soon

k) I’m graduating

l) I have a family reunion

m) I’m so busy

n) I am part of a wine club

o) my spouse drinks

p) all my friends drink

q) no one knows I have a problem

r) what will everyone say

s) I have anxiety

t) I have depression

u) I’m getting married

v) I can try moderating again

w) I need to let loose & have fun

x) I don’t want to go to AA

y) I have social anxiety

z) but what if I fail

You know what I say to all of this, it’s excuses and every single one of these is or might happen and its called LIFE, whether you drink or not. BUT you are also on the right track, why because you are looking at your relationship with alcohol.

You see for years I didn’t really have a problem I could control it, when the partying got out of control I would scale it back.

This went well, until my late 30’s and all of a sudden I realized my drinking got out of control and I tried to reign it and I couldn’t, no matter what I did. I knew I needed to quit but my buts were too big. I had an excuse for everything. Every one of those 26 excuses up there is my but not to quit drinking. Which meant I had to go through some more pain, a lot more pain until I decided my Why to quit was bigger, than my but.

I shrank my but, and finally got sober!

When you connect

So as I said in my previous post I had a fleeting thought if I was going to make it to 6 months.  On my sober 1/2 a year eve, I thought meh maybe I’ll drink.  Well I know enough to shut that shit down fast.  Saturday rolled around it was there but a little sad there was no parade for me not drinking for 6 months nobody really cares, I didn’t cure cancer or reinvent a wheel.

By Monday I was breathing shallow, I was overwhelmed with my work, and my to do list, and my therapist had my water bottle and she was hammering me over coming to pick it up, ok (she text me once to say she left it with reception) but that was my reaction everything was urgent and frantic.

I run out to get it, and groceries on Monday and I ran into my therapist (also I am very grateful she had it, it’s a beautiful water bottle my sons girlfriend gave to me for Christmas) She says how are you.  I said my anxiety is at a all time high I can’t breathe, she said and what are you doing for it, like seriously lady.  I’m not doing anything I can’t breathe.  She reminds me of my tools, write out my day, figure out what I need to get done, put the rest onto Tuesday and go to my Y12SR (Yoga and 12 Step Recovery Meeting) that night.  I hug her and left water bottle in hand.

Barely make it to Y12SR but I do and I forget my yoga mat I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, running at a high nervous vibe, I didn’t really want to go, I wanted to isolate.  The facilitator says so basically you are self sabotaging, you are walking the path back to what’s comfortable, booze. anxiety,  isolating, not feeling good enough, and just wanting to numb it out.  My response was slow and thought out, yes I was.  She then pointed out that I wasn’t really though.  If I had been I wouldn’t be willing, once I had realized I’d forgotten my mat, I didn’t turn around and leave, I was willing to do the yoga without a mat, I was willing to connect, to share my raw feelings and I just now needed to ground down and  breathe and move my body.

We spoke after,  I never thought (there than being pregnant)  I could be  6 months sober and it really is a turning point, she said it really is just like every day that you choose not to drink. It’s only overwhelming if you let it be, don’t look forward don’t look back stay in today..

The connections I have made in this last 6 months have been incredibly powerful, the wisdom of the women I have connected with is beyond measurable.  Showing up & Sharing & Connecting is one of the reasons I am sober today.

Have a great sober day!

xoxox

Wanting and Willing so not the same

So I have always been a no nonsense type of person.  If I wanted to do something I did it, but if I didn’t want to do it, I dug my high heels in all the way to the core of the earth to not do it.

I hear today so many excuses though.  When I decided to lose weight  I was so uncomfortable in the pic that  I saw of myself and felt so gross that was it. I did it slowly, I did it without fanfare, I did not declare a diet or a lifestyle change I just did it.   I did it consistently, I did it through lots of research and change.  Today my fitness is a healthy habit.

Getting sober consistently was a harder road for me, but I tried.  I decided a year ago to really try and even though 2017 was filled with day one agains I still tried. Finally when I was so tired of wanting it I finally was willing to actually do something else.  I let go of my judgements, I had to change my thinking my way was not working.   I entered into an outpatient program I kept showing up, and slowly but surely there’s another 24 hours put together.

What I notice is the similarity between the two as they are both life changing & healthy

I have a friend that has bought every gadget (including a $500.00 smart watch even though she had a fit bit) that was going to make her exercise more, she was waiting to relocate, waiting to finish vacation, waiting for company to leave.. before starting to workout.  Yesterday I sat in a support group listening to a woman that was in so much pain and we offered suggestions but she couldn’t do this or had a judgment around that type of program, she wanted sobriety.  She isn’t willing to take any suggestions from group or advisors on change yet,  and she’s been on the Recovery Road for 4 years.  It was painful for me to listen to her (I cried for her).

What I noticed in both of these for me was that changing my life wasn’t easy, it’ s not perfect but I was so willing.  It’s amazing when you open your heart and let go of your own ideas and don’t try and reinvent the wheel what can happen.  I ask women who have spectacular hamstrings and great butts what their key exercises are, I also make sure I compliment them.  For sobriety, I ask people what they did or do for fun, how they got through cravings, what if I found AA too religious or if I hated the word Alcoholic (which I do but honestly I like the group of people I found through it, so I don’t think too hard about the actual word GOD, and as for alcoholic I say I am Christina and I’m a problem drinker ) what really I do though is just let shit go, I don’t get too caught up in the wording.  I go to a yoga 12 step meeting, which I love Y12SR, I have a support group, I had to take action though, not procrastinate, go to meetings and classes on days I didn’t feel like it  and not make excuses or do it my own way. It’s what worked for me.

 

Here’s to another Sober Day!

Christina