10 Reasons Why I Don’t Track How Many Days I Have Sober

The horror, right. I don’t track days sober. I have been seeing all over instagram, people holding up signs and celebrating and getting hundreds of likes. I am also in a couple of Facebook Sobriety Groups and a few months ago one woman posted she was celebrating she will have 500 days sober. I thought do I have 500 Days Sober? I don’t know. I had made a conscious decision last time I got sober not to track how many days I had sober.

10 Reasons Why I Don’t Track How Many Days I Have Sober

  1. I used to track how many days I had sober, like every minute of it. There are even apps to do so, right down to the seconds you have sober. It would leave me defeated I was always resetting the clock.
  2. I would yell at the app, are you kidding me it can’t be 11, 2 hours, 36 mins and 6 seconds, this fucking this is lying.
  3. I felt like a failure every time I reset the clock. Not looking at it like it was a life lesson, or what I had learned, or what I needed to look in my life. I would just have self hatred.
  4. I felt like I was whiteknuckling it. I didn’t feel like the numbers were ever big enough, nothing was enough and I had felt like I wasn’t enough long enough.
  5. I didn’t count my drinking days.
  6. I’d heard so many people in AA laugh about how many 24 hour chips they had .
  7. I don’t want to be seen as the person who had 46,000 days without a drink a drug or a cigarette when I die. I want to be remembered for a lot more than that.
  8. My days were being measured against a liquid instead of quality, productivity, kindness, compassion and what type of person I was. There is no measurement for that it’s about being a better person than you were yesterday.
  9. It felt like sobriety had an end date like “The Whole 21” or the “21 Day Fix “Diets, just like my fitness, my eating healthy, there is not expiration date.
  10. Sobriety is NOT a competition.
Time can be are enemy or our friend.

Ok now you know Why I Don’t Track How Many Days I Have Sober. My sobriety date is the first Saturday in August of 2017 I do know that much. If you are feeling any of the feelings up top, I’m telling you it’s time to start creating a life you love. Here’s what I did at first, instead of tracking every single day, hour, minute second. I bought a planner just a cheap weekly one, and I’d write my gratitude in it daily 3 things I was grateful for . Then I would mark off by the week, I started this planner at approximately 4 weeks sober, and I marked it off by the week and at 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 8 weeks I would reward myself. With experiences, I did a sensory deprivation float, went to baby goat yoga, and booked a yoga retreat. I looked back at my planner and around week 22 I had stopped writing in the weeks, faithfully but not intentionally did I quit writing and I see I wrote week 25, 29 and 30 and that was the end of counting. It just petered out.

Today I count today as sober, I write daily my gratitudes (3 at then end of every day and that includes: grateful I am sober today. We all have just 24 hours including Beyonce, no more no less. So enjoy today with gratitude, be happy to be sober, just for today, and know that life is more than just about being sober, it’s about creating a life of happiness, gratitude, goals, family, love, kindness, memories, activities and health and my sobriety roles into all of that. Instead of counting the days behind or counting the hours ahead, try and be present for now.

Have a fit and sober day

xoxox Christina

GSD, a Side Effect of Sobriety

I was always so exhausted and unmotivated from my hangovers the simplest tasks seemed like my legs weighed a thousand pounds and the dread of doing the not imminent chores or tasks got thrown to the wayside.  Which of course just added up to the longest “didn’t do” list ever.  Which made me anxious and irritable, nothing is worse than the simplest things piling up.

Now I can be a procrastinator, I get this and accept it about myself.  Though tonight I noticed something, at 630PM when I was running out the door to buy stamps for a card that needed to go in the mail tonight…. what I noticed was, I did it and joyfully.  The Side Effect of my Sobriety is Getting Shit Done. It’s a Sunday night usually I was so hungover and feeling down about myself and my wasted  weekend I would not have just popped out, the door or I  worse I was drinking again.

Months back I was exhausted and scared, I went to bed early, I had rocky sleeps, I was looking for stuff to do that didn’t involve drinking, anything to do, but I wasn’t getting shit done.  I was hiding a bit.  I would venture to things like yoga or coffee, or shopping.  Fridays were scary, Sundays were scary and every day in between was scary. Looking back I’m ok with being scared, hiding from the world, and exploring the world in safe places.

It seems like I have woken up and I’m Getting Shit Done.  Those little tasks don’t seem as tiring, I still have a didn’t do list but my to do list also has a lot crossed off.  I’m sleeping really well and not going to sleep as early, and waking up refreshed.  It’s like there’s been a reset button pushed and I’m GSD’ing.

Now off to write my gym workout and layout my gym clothes!  Who is this woman!!!

Happy Sober Day Christina

Never Feeling Good Enough

I think this is one of the big stressors in my life.  As I get ready to go home to my parents for Christmas, I realized I never felt good enough.  It’s a reason I don’t actually want to go.  I sit here packing and even my clothes aren’t good enough, I wear very modern clothes and my mother does not approve.  I can barely breathe.  My parents always pretended everything was fine, while always criticizing others  Maybe this was part of my rebellion as a teenager.  I hated it.  The perfect family, I just wanted to be happy and joyous.

Well that isn’t our household it’s strained and boring.  No one is themselves.  I basically go through a list of stuff we can’t talk about with my family before we arrive.  It’s such a strain.  No wonder I feel stressed and anxious.  It’s not pretty or fun, it looks perfect though.

So here’s to getting through family get togethers.  I am putting my foot down though next year is at our house and we have decided that we are saying it’s here and if anyone comes that’s great if they choose not to that’s ok.  After travelling for Christmas for over 28 years I want a Christmas in my own house.  I want to play games and have Christmas Carols  being sung and go look at lights, I want to decorate cookies and basically have fun.  It will not look perfect but it will be joyous and fun.

Breathing deeply I must go pack.

 

Here’s to another sober weekend.  Oh and today I have 5 months

Christina