Shrinking Your But

I had always loved to party. It made me feel powerful, It made me feel sexy, It made me feel like I belonged. Until it didn’t.

I am not going to sugar coat this post, I’m super direct, and that’s my coaching style with both fitness and sobriety. You have to shrink your but. Not your butt, your but. So many people come to me and say I am ready to quit drinking… but. Your buts can be endless

a) I’m going on vacation

b) I’m super stressed (work, relationships, motherhood)

c) It’s Christmas

d) my best friend is getting married

e) there’s a work thing

f) It’s the weekend

g) I need to keep hanging onto my boyfriend

h) it’s summer

i) it’s Christmas

j) it’s my birthday soon

k) I’m graduating

l) I have a family reunion

m) I’m so busy

n) I am part of a wine club

o) my spouse drinks

p) all my friends drink

q) no one knows I have a problem

r) what will everyone say

s) I have anxiety

t) I have depression

u) I’m getting married

v) I can try moderating again

w) I need to let loose & have fun

x) I don’t want to go to AA

y) I have social anxiety

z) but what if I fail

You know what I say to all of this, it’s excuses and every single one of these is or might happen and its called LIFE, whether you drink or not. BUT you are also on the right track, why because you are looking at your relationship with alcohol.

You see for years I didn’t really have a problem I could control it, when the partying got out of control I would scale it back.

This went well, until my late 30’s and all of a sudden I realized my drinking got out of control and I tried to reign it and I couldn’t, no matter what I did. I knew I needed to quit but my buts were too big. I had an excuse for everything. Every one of those 26 excuses up there is my but not to quit drinking. Which meant I had to go through some more pain, a lot more pain until I decided my Why to quit was bigger, than my but.

I shrank my but, and finally got sober!

I’m No Fun Anymore

Today my husband and I had a huge argument and true to all arguments we have, it derailed from the actual issue.  I told him he is doesn’t do anything (as in go out and enjoy life, not as in work, he is a very hard worker) he told me “how can he go do anything with me when I’m no fun anymore”.

Wow that broke me and made me more furious LOL yes I am allowed to be angry, I give myself permission to feel all feelings.   Back story, he was my drinking partner, as almost all my exes had been.  We met through a mutual friend and we re-met in a liquor store.  We went to pubs on every date we did, we took beer and wine on bike trips, we went to concerts in the park and drank wine, art openings we drank before during and after.  We were at the local beach pub in the summer always.  On holidays it was a party.  We’d have great drunk sex.   As so many stories go the party always gets old, and then we started not having fun while drinking, arguing more and more. We would go to bed angry, not having sex, we didn’t have friends around, who wants to listen to people fight when drinking, we were  isolating and drinking  and just really being an unmotivated, overpromising drunk couple. The fun at the end was limited, 95% of most nights did not end up as fun.

For the past few years the first year in damage control mode (IE trying to moderate) and then the past year in trying sobriety one of the reasons I would end up drinking is because we weren’t getting along and we didn’t communicate so I would drink to try and have fun with him and some nights it was ok, but read the last sentence up above again, the nights did not end  up as fun. Definition of insanity: doing the same things over and over again, hoping for a different result.  Was my life.

He’s right I don’t participate in his fun.  My fun and his fun are now completely different.  My fun is yoga, scrapbooking, playing tourist, going for coffees, having meaningful conversations, volunteering, doing random acts of kindness, dancing in the kitchen, taking goofy selfies, working out, going for coffee, visiting friends,  biking, hiking, travelling, doing puzzles, cooking, my cats, going to the beach, doing events that are on in my City.  He’s still is doing what we did when we met, basing everything around a cocktail.

Now in the old days pre 6 months ago, I would drink to get us back to “normal” Today I yelled “your right I’m not doing your fun things”. It felt good to say that I want him to know I’m serious about my new life.  I love my fun life love it.

The argument I am lonely in this journey, but it’s my journey and I’m not willing to give up on my marriage, yet.  His drinking has cut down, but his mindset has not changed and like all change it’s scary.  I was ready he is not. I have to remember daily we can only change ourselves not someone else.

We have since talked and I literally told him what I have written here, and he agrees we need to find things to do together, that don’t involve drinking or scrapbooking.

What do you and your spouse do together?

Another Sober Sunday

Christina

Wanting and Willing so not the same

So I have always been a no nonsense type of person.  If I wanted to do something I did it, but if I didn’t want to do it, I dug my high heels in all the way to the core of the earth to not do it.

I hear today so many excuses though.  When I decided to lose weight  I was so uncomfortable in the pic that  I saw of myself and felt so gross that was it. I did it slowly, I did it without fanfare, I did not declare a diet or a lifestyle change I just did it.   I did it consistently, I did it through lots of research and change.  Today my fitness is a healthy habit.

Getting sober consistently was a harder road for me, but I tried.  I decided a year ago to really try and even though 2017 was filled with day one agains I still tried. Finally when I was so tired of wanting it I finally was willing to actually do something else.  I let go of my judgements, I had to change my thinking my way was not working.   I entered into an outpatient program I kept showing up, and slowly but surely there’s another 24 hours put together.

What I notice is the similarity between the two as they are both life changing & healthy

I have a friend that has bought every gadget (including a $500.00 smart watch even though she had a fit bit) that was going to make her exercise more, she was waiting to relocate, waiting to finish vacation, waiting for company to leave.. before starting to workout.  Yesterday I sat in a support group listening to a woman that was in so much pain and we offered suggestions but she couldn’t do this or had a judgment around that type of program, she wanted sobriety.  She isn’t willing to take any suggestions from group or advisors on change yet,  and she’s been on the Recovery Road for 4 years.  It was painful for me to listen to her (I cried for her).

What I noticed in both of these for me was that changing my life wasn’t easy, it’ s not perfect but I was so willing.  It’s amazing when you open your heart and let go of your own ideas and don’t try and reinvent the wheel what can happen.  I ask women who have spectacular hamstrings and great butts what their key exercises are, I also make sure I compliment them.  For sobriety, I ask people what they did or do for fun, how they got through cravings, what if I found AA too religious or if I hated the word Alcoholic (which I do but honestly I like the group of people I found through it, so I don’t think too hard about the actual word GOD, and as for alcoholic I say I am Christina and I’m a problem drinker ) what really I do though is just let shit go, I don’t get too caught up in the wording.  I go to a yoga 12 step meeting, which I love Y12SR, I have a support group, I had to take action though, not procrastinate, go to meetings and classes on days I didn’t feel like it  and not make excuses or do it my own way. It’s what worked for me.

 

Here’s to another Sober Day!

Christina