How to host a Birthday Dinner, Sober

How to host a Birthday Dinner, Sober

I am the host tonight of a birthday dinner, sober Tonight is my husbands birthday, a few noticeable things, have come up he hasn’t a lot of friends (except 1 ) and that one friend is a great friend to him and he’s MR FUN. I believe you should have one great friend instead of a 25 acquaintances (which he does have) . He prefers to stay home instead of going out ( we are very different that way)

It’s his Birthday so he gets to choose what we do, and guess what, evidently there’s a football game on (insert groan here) that he insists trumps going out for dinner. He also gets to choose what we eat and drink (or what he drinks not me)

So today I started organizing more of a football party than a birthday party. Appies are 5 different high end cheeses and crackers (no potato chips here) so today I made a lovely platter. He chose surf and turf, NOT A VEGETABLE IN SIGHT so off to the butcher for good steaks, and seafood so off to the local seafood market for King Crab Legs, and Scallops I went, and of course he wanted Beer and Rum. And that’s where the BOUNDARIES had to come into place. I had a small inkling today for wine for some reason. In fact I’ve had a couple of triggers in the past few days, I’m tired my sleep has been very broken that’s part of the reason. I picked up a lime for my salad dressing the other night and thought oh I could make Margaritas – oops I don’t drink.

Here’s 8 TIPS TO HOSTING A SOBER PARTY

  1. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S BOOZE, THEY CAN GO BUY IT AND BRING IT, OR IF IT’S FOR YOUR SPOUSE THEY CAN GO PICK IT UP. Never put yourself in a situation where you might pick up a bottle of your liquor of choice.
  2. Ensure you have something to drink, whether it’s a mocktail, a water, tea, what ever it may be just something in your hand.
  3. Keep busy during the dinner, cooking, cleaning, serving, eating
  4. EAT & Breathe
  5. If it’s just a small intimate group like tonight there is 5 of us, and all but me are drinking at an appropriate time (aka as long as you can stand it and get out unscathed) excuse yourself and GO TO BED.
  6. Bonus: 4 deep breaths in through the nostril 4 long breaths out. Do 10 times, if you have to hide in the bathroom.
  7. Plan something for tomorrow. I am meeting a friend at the gym at 10AM, for a brutal leg day session planned and if it’s nice out I’m going to run there.
  8. Play the tape out to the end. The stupidity, the argument, the relief it will feel for a moment and then the anxiety, guilt, shame, and of course play your HANGOVER out and your cancelling on tomorrows plans. Remember it’s not worth it. That’s why you stopped drinking in the first place.

Don’t forget to enjoy the Dinner/Party/Birthday and going to bed sober, that’s what I’ll be doing tonight!

xoxox Christina


When you connect

So as I said in my previous post I had a fleeting thought if I was going to make it to 6 months.  On my sober 1/2 a year eve, I thought meh maybe I’ll drink.  Well I know enough to shut that shit down fast.  Saturday rolled around it was there but a little sad there was no parade for me not drinking for 6 months nobody really cares, I didn’t cure cancer or reinvent a wheel.

By Monday I was breathing shallow, I was overwhelmed with my work, and my to do list, and my therapist had my water bottle and she was hammering me over coming to pick it up, ok (she text me once to say she left it with reception) but that was my reaction everything was urgent and frantic.

I run out to get it, and groceries on Monday and I ran into my therapist (also I am very grateful she had it, it’s a beautiful water bottle my sons girlfriend gave to me for Christmas) She says how are you.  I said my anxiety is at a all time high I can’t breathe, she said and what are you doing for it, like seriously lady.  I’m not doing anything I can’t breathe.  She reminds me of my tools, write out my day, figure out what I need to get done, put the rest onto Tuesday and go to my Y12SR (Yoga and 12 Step Recovery Meeting) that night.  I hug her and left water bottle in hand.

Barely make it to Y12SR but I do and I forget my yoga mat I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, running at a high nervous vibe, I didn’t really want to go, I wanted to isolate.  The facilitator says so basically you are self sabotaging, you are walking the path back to what’s comfortable, booze. anxiety,  isolating, not feeling good enough, and just wanting to numb it out.  My response was slow and thought out, yes I was.  She then pointed out that I wasn’t really though.  If I had been I wouldn’t be willing, once I had realized I’d forgotten my mat, I didn’t turn around and leave, I was willing to do the yoga without a mat, I was willing to connect, to share my raw feelings and I just now needed to ground down and  breathe and move my body.

We spoke after,  I never thought (there than being pregnant)  I could be  6 months sober and it really is a turning point, she said it really is just like every day that you choose not to drink. It’s only overwhelming if you let it be, don’t look forward don’t look back stay in today..

The connections I have made in this last 6 months have been incredibly powerful, the wisdom of the women I have connected with is beyond measurable.  Showing up & Sharing & Connecting is one of the reasons I am sober today.

Have a great sober day!

xoxox

Never Feeling Good Enough

I think this is one of the big stressors in my life.  As I get ready to go home to my parents for Christmas, I realized I never felt good enough.  It’s a reason I don’t actually want to go.  I sit here packing and even my clothes aren’t good enough, I wear very modern clothes and my mother does not approve.  I can barely breathe.  My parents always pretended everything was fine, while always criticizing others  Maybe this was part of my rebellion as a teenager.  I hated it.  The perfect family, I just wanted to be happy and joyous.

Well that isn’t our household it’s strained and boring.  No one is themselves.  I basically go through a list of stuff we can’t talk about with my family before we arrive.  It’s such a strain.  No wonder I feel stressed and anxious.  It’s not pretty or fun, it looks perfect though.

So here’s to getting through family get togethers.  I am putting my foot down though next year is at our house and we have decided that we are saying it’s here and if anyone comes that’s great if they choose not to that’s ok.  After travelling for Christmas for over 28 years I want a Christmas in my own house.  I want to play games and have Christmas Carols  being sung and go look at lights, I want to decorate cookies and basically have fun.  It will not look perfect but it will be joyous and fun.

Breathing deeply I must go pack.

 

Here’s to another sober weekend.  Oh and today I have 5 months

Christina