RELAPSE HAPPENS BEFORE YOU DRINK

Relapse happens before you drink. I love this saying I found a journal, of mine when I was first was trying to work on quitting drinking. When I was taught this saying I went back to my journal to take a look at what was going on, before I drank. And every damn time I recognized that I relapsed before I drank.

In the journal, there was a lot of hurt, a lot of anger, anger towards my husband, towards myself, feeling very left out, hating my life. Then there were the injustices, of the world that I could not change, people starving, my city I live in changing for the worse. I seemed to take it all on. It left me wanting to numb out, of course it did and of course I did. Looking back it makes perfect sense when you have anger and feeling not good enough, hatred it’s a perfect storm for drinking.

I can look back now and see the events leading up to my drinking, I also can see it in other people, a lot of time its anger/resentment/hatred that people are struggling with, because that’s what I struggled with. I watched a friend of mine relapse not long ago, and when I say watched, I mean I saw her going down the rabbit hole, she was angry at her life. I talked to her, she fluffed it off, she couldn’t see it until after. She was really lucky this time, she drank for about 3 days and got back to sobriety. I was never that lucky.

Relapse happens long before the first drink, this past month I found myself on shaky ground, but this time instead of in a journal and looking back I recognized it, anger at the world, at the manufacturing for the plastics we use, once again for my city doing nothing to fix our problems, and I was like no no no. I decided to use this anger this time for good, for speaking out for not hiding, for making my voice known, calling the city, calling out the government, by deciding to honour the anger. We are allowed to stand up for what we believe in. We do not have to be silent, we are allowed to be angry. We just can’t drink over it.

Remember relapse can happen at anytime, you just have to be aware of it, I have found some significant signs in my recovery: Anger is a huge one. So if you are angry honor it, meditate and use that anger to fuel change. Just don’t drink over it.


How To Know If You Have a Drinking Problem

How To Know If You Have a Drinking Problem

How to know if you have a drinking problem. This subject came up the other day, in our book club, we all said that we had gone online and taken a test or googled the symptoms, everyone of us had done this, to see if we had a drinking problem. Some of the women identify as an alcoholic, some like myself identify with alcohol abuse disorder, each and everyone of us identify that alcohol intrerefered with our lives

One woman even said she lied on the test, so it came out NO. I justified on the test (it asked if you drank alone) I was a single mom, who did you want me to drink with my 5 year old? So how do you know?

  • You are googling it, is one of the first clues, though it might be years before that clue comes to light
  • My other clue & everyone else agreed it was the hangovers/wasted days of being incapacitated after.
  • The whole in my life
  • The anxiety from drinking
  • The guilt from drinking
  • The feeling in the morning of wishing I hadn’t drank the day before
  • And the fact it interfered with our jobs (missed days or just not being present) and or parenting (short tempered, missing parenting meetings, or not attending events).

Interesting fact was none of us said it was because we drank alone or because someone was concerned, or if it had negatively affected friendships or if we embarrassed ourselves ever or the fact that we had spent too much money drinking as we could rationalize these things. Or some of the questions didn’t even apply like do you get the shakes if you don’t drink, or do you crave alcohol daily (nope) it went deeper than just the surface questions.

You see having a drinking problem doesn’t look the same for everyone. You might see a person rummaging through a garbage can swigging booze out of a bottle (think Frank from Shameless) and think yeah he has a problem, but when you look at that well dressed woman with her son, who’s a single mom in her 30’s, goes out on weekends, rides her bike, is at the soccer field every saturday morning, has a nanny part time, has a corporate job, lives by the beach you may not look and guess she has a problem. There are so many definitions of does someone have a problem with alcohol and not one is right or wrong if they have a problem. Its if you are happy with our life.

Really only you can decide when you have had enough, that point has been made over and over by court ordered rehabs, detoxes, psychiatry holds, or when that mom cries on her couch every Sunday wishing she’d never drank again this weekend.

There is no defining point it’s just you and your life. The great thing is you can always try out not drinking and go back to it if it’s not for you or you can decide like I did that life is so much easier without alcohol/ hangovers you may never go back.

xoxox Christina