Alcohol in the house when you are sober

On Friday night I hosted a dinner party for business associates of my husband that I did not know, but knew they weren’t big drinkers (one of them is going through chemo). So I wasn’t super worried about it. I have alcohol in my house my husband still drinks. The other factor is I have not isolated myself, ie stopped going places that serves alcohol. I know people that won’t even go into the Starbucks that serves beer. Please also remember at the beginning of my sobriety, I was very careful where I would go (IE I would not sit on a patio on a hot summers day with everyone around me drinking a chardonnay) but at this stage of my journey I know could could care less about booze.

The two things I have not had in my house and won’t have in my house since I got sober is wine and this drink called Hey Y’all. Both were my drink of choice.

So as many of you know when hosting a dinner party, it’s not just the dinner prep, its the tidying of the house, putting away the crap on the front hallway table that’s accumulated (running gear mainly) dusting the built in shelves in the living room that the couch doesn’t face and honestly I’m not sure when I last dusted them, cleaning the main bathroom, cleaning up the plant that Billy (my cat) knocked over in the process while I was cleaning, all the little things that go with prepping a dinner party. By the time dinner was well underway, I was tired and quite hungry.

I had not been there to greet our guests, I headed back into the kitchen though to serve dinner, and low and behold one of our guests had brought me a bottle of wine and it was just sitting on the counter just sitting on the counter like so many times before. Unopened, just sitting staring at me. A cold shiver ran down the back of my neck. I served dinner.

Now I’ve been around wine, people drinking it doesn’t bother me, just NOT in my house.

My husband and I rarely talk about my not drinking or my reasons what led up to me not wanting to drink, when I told him I need to quit drinking his first reaction was you need to quit smoking you don’t have a drinking problem.

When we went to clean up after the guests left (omg dinner party are the best when people are not getting shit faced, cleaning up at 930pm) I looked at my husband and looked at the bottle and I said this gives me shivers. He’s like why not take it to our tenants downstairs, then I said something else, and he said it’s still early take it down NOW. I put my flip flops on and zipped downstairs and handed a nice bottle of wine to the couple, who were thrilled.

Moral of this story, you can be strong in your sobriety, you can keep alcohol in your house, you can go out with friends who drink. DO NOT keep your drink or drug of choice (nicotine is my drug of choice) in your house. Why tempt fate.

Getting Drinking Under Control

  • “I drink my wine so fast I get smashed before dinner” time to switch to coolers”
  • “I’m going to switch from coolers back to wine all that carbonation is making me bloated and I can drink a lot of coolers”
  • “We can’t drink during the week anymore week anymore, I feel like hell
  • I’ll only drink on Friday and Saturday. Oh ok Sunday brunch too.
  • “I’ll only do one Wine Wednesday a month
  • “I’ll only have a glass of wine with dinner”
  • ” I’m going to switch to vodka and soda even though I don’t really like the taste of it, but I’m packing on the pounds from all the coolers”
  • “We need to drink right after work, not later’
  • “We need to start drinking during the day so we can go to bed early and don’t have a have a hangover tomorrow.”

The above were all things I said aloud or in my head, I’m sure there were a hundred more, what I didn’t know at the time was I was trying to moderate. I’d never heard that term before I started digging into my Recovery. To my way of thinking I was just trying to have less of a hangover on work days and less of a shit show and of course more control.

This conversation has come up lately in a few of my sober groups and with friends. We have talked about trying to control our drinking with switching out, switching up, and doing things differently. The overwhelming thing was every one I have talked with has done the control thing in one form or another, Each and Every One, that’s a 100% statistic.

The other statistic that came out was every single person has googled something about controlling drinking, or if they were an alcoholic, or about alcohol problems.

Deep down, in your gut/intuition if you are trying to control an issue, you know it’s a problem whether it’s a phase in your life or an actual problem is something that only time tells.

I have gone through stages in my life where my drinking was more then less, but when I started trying to have to control it, because my mental health, my overall well being and the gong show of evenings were becoming more regular than not and I couldn’t get it under control, (ie everything you just read up top wasn’t working) that’s when I knew it was time to look at stopping (but that’s another blog post)

Can you identify with any of the above moderations? I’d love to hear about it.

xoxox Christina

I HATE THE SUPERBOWL

Yep I said it, I can’t stand it, it’s an excuse for people to drink even more, than just a regular sports game. Even when I was drinking I dreaded it, totally wonderful people and nice homes would end up in a shit storm. One party I went to a guy ended up wandering outside and passed out in a ditch in the dark, we were in Panama (think fer de lance snakes, the most venomous in the western hemisphere) and we all ended up searching for him for 2 hours . He was a older man, an engineer from Germany completely brilliant until Super Bowl.

Now I am not a football fan in general, but it was a good excuse to go to a pub or a get together with friends. I honestly never felt great after one of these parties, the food was either pub food in an overly crowded bar with kitchens doing sub par cooking, or in homes that piles of nachos, seven layer dip, gourmet hotdogs, hamburgers and a myriad of store bought wings and then there was cupcakes and sweets galore. With people swilling back beer like they are on Survivor never getting off the island and arguing about whose team is the best and most times those aren’t the two teams that are even in the Super Bowl. It really never was my jam. It was obnoxious. Being a Canadian, I never went to a Stanley Cup Party that was more gong show than I have seen on Super Bowl.

Having said that I always like to see the positive side. Super Bowl Sunday is a fabulous time to go do anything. The Gym (don’t go right before hand) and Grocery Shopping is my favorite, and I rarely grocery shop on Sundays. Then of course there is the peaceful empty house to be able to read, dance in my kitchen, prep for the week.

One thing in sobriety, I have set very clear boundaries of what I’m dong with my time. Super Bowl is not one of them, but I know my husband loves it so I will be sending him along with stuffed mushroom caps, a veggie tray and dip and of course a text for me to come pick him up.

Please always remember that stats are higher for drinking and driving accidents on this day, in fact Super Bowl Sunday is one of the highest statistics for DUI’s and drunk driving statistics, so if you or someone you love are drinking please ensure you have a way to get home.