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Feeling Stuck

Around the beginning of May, I started feeling off, and I can’t put my finger on the perfect words to describe this period of time. I was definitely feeling depression, but not really, maybe the word more accurately to describe life was stuck.

I actually went off instagram for a bit and stopped posting as I had all of a sudden a disdain for social media, I described it as posting paralysis. I was at loss for words, I stopped blogging, writing my newsletters and took a step back. Then I felt like I had taken 100 steps back.

I gave myself a deadline of June 1st to get back writing and it passed. July 1st is now around the corner. I was going to write and inspirational post & I thought let’s just be real here. Let’s be authentic, let’s be really true. I felt off.

I continued my running journey, I’ll write more about that later. I wasn’t drinking, but my creativity was so low at one point I actually had a thought of “Fuck, why did I tell my story about becoming sober and why did I transition from fitness coaching to sober coaching”. That’s when I knew I needed to watch my step and my own sobriety could be in jeopardy. I knew it was time to be ok with being stuck. Let the feelings be what they were, stay true to myself.

The last few weeks, I all of a sudden felt great but then how do I go back to my blog, and I thought be honest, be real be true. I felt stuck, felt off, felt no creativity and now I feel better and I didn’t drink, smoke or do anything destructive to blow up my life.

I love you and am always listening

xoxox Christina

Reality of Sober Long Weekends

Reality of Sober Long Weekends

May Long weekend, the unofficial kick off to summer. Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat are showing us all how amazing life everyones life is. But you are watching all of this and your weekend doesn’t look like these epic events that are taking place.

Sober Long Weekends

My very first sober long weekend was 2 years ago and it was hell. In fact I didn’t I didn’t make it through sober, I said fuck it. Worst mistake ever, because guess what drinking didn’t make it epic.

Fast forward to when I finally got a month of not drinking and the next sober long weekend rolled around and all I felt like was an outsider. It was the end of summer not the beginning, everyone was travelling or camping or throwing bbq’s and I was crying in bed, binging netflix and feeling like a loser.

Go forward in the journey a bit more to this past weekend. I was watching everyones stories on social media & that old feeling popped up. Everyone was away, everyone was drinking, bbqing, having the time of their lives. Except me. Well that’s what it seemed like on social media.

So I started thinking about my weekend, I did a lot of work, hung out with my husband, ran, went to a fantastic sushi place for dinner, and really just rested, isn’t that what long weekends are for?

Reality vs Social Media

My girlfriend came back from camping and I spoke to her, she was exhausted, hungover and already dreading Tuesday. Her family trip was so amazing and fun on instagram, but what she spoke of was about was the chaos. The drunkeness, the expense, the exhaustion, who didn’t get along with who. It was exhausting to listen to.

My son, who’s weekend was all over social media, came home hungover, grumpy and battled traffic for 4 hours what should have been a 1.5- 2 hour drive home.

I on the other hand though my weekend may not have been “instagram worthy”, but it was hangover free, so when you look at the highlight reel remember a sober long weekend is really a great long weekend. If you are bored and remember boredom is a trigger download the Ultimate Guide What to do Instead of Drinking Here

You can find me on Instagram here, pop by say hi!

xoxox Christina

Gratitude

Gratitude

Gratitude.  Everyone talks about it but what is it? Remember your mom say ing ” we are blessed or be grateful you have that”  So I technically know what it means.  The Miriam Webster Dictionary definition is appreciative of benefits.

What I had wished 20 years ago is what Gratitude actually  was.  If I had thought about it or had it explained to me.   You see I was a single mom back then.

GRATITUDE LOOKING BACK

I would waitress nights, I loved it, I had an amazing group on the night crew, and we always had  each others back (we still know each other).   I never had to work weekends so I could be home with my son, I was finishing  school for my degree.  I didn’t receive any child support, I lived 3 blocks from the beach in the best neighbourhood in the city.   We lived at the beach in the summer.  I lived in an amazing building, that had wonderful neighbours that pitched in with raising my son.  I had an amazing sitter in the building, that babysat nights for me for extra cash as her husband was always on the road. The community everyone knew each other (so rare in our city now.)  I had a car, my son played soccer, we had food on the table, clothes on our backs, great friends, my parents pitched in with both time and money even though they didn’t live anywhere near me.

HINDSIGHT IS 20/20

Hindsight is 20/20 though,  I would complain, days could be long and hard, I was tired a lot,  especially when my son was little.  There wasn’t a lot of extra money to go around but enough.

Motherhood is hard, single motherhood is not for the weak.    We had so much to be grateful for.  Life was pretty damn good even on the hard days.  I wish I could have seen that.  I see it now, today I am so grateful.  So damn appreciative.  Now my city is one of the most expensive in North America, and single moms with no child support waitressing and going to school aren’t living 3 blocks from the beach.

If I could say something to my younger self, it would be write 3 things you are grateful for every night.  It’s what I do now, and life isn’t as hard.

Interestingly enough I look and think is life easier because I’m grateful or know what gratitude is?

I wish I had done it then to see the beauty in my life.

 

xoxo Christina