Gratitude.  Everyone talks about it but what is it? Remember your mom say ing ” we are blessed or be grateful you have that”  So I technically know what it means.  The Miriam Webster Dictionary definition is appreciative of benefits.

What I had wished 20 years ago is what Gratitude actually  was.  If I had thought about it or had it explained to me.   You see I was a single mom back then.


I would waitress nights, I loved it, I had an amazing group on the night crew, and we always had  each others back (we still know each other).   I never had to work weekends so I could be home with my son, I was finishing  school for my degree.  I didn’t receive any child support, I lived 3 blocks from the beach in the best neighbourhood in the city.   We lived at the beach in the summer.  I lived in an amazing building, that had wonderful neighbours that pitched in with raising my son.  I had an amazing sitter in the building, that babysat nights for me for extra cash as her husband was always on the road. The community everyone knew each other (so rare in our city now.)  I had a car, my son played soccer, we had food on the table, clothes on our backs, great friends, my parents pitched in with both time and money even though they didn’t live anywhere near me.


Hindsight is 20/20 though,  I would complain, days could be long and hard, I was tired a lot,  especially when my son was little.  There wasn’t a lot of extra money to go around but enough.

Motherhood is hard, single motherhood is not for the weak.    We had so much to be grateful for.  Life was pretty damn good even on the hard days.  I wish I could have seen that.  I see it now, today I am so grateful.  So damn appreciative.  Now my city is one of the most expensive in North America, and single moms with no child support waitressing and going to school aren’t living 3 blocks from the beach.

If I could say something to my younger self, it would be write 3 things you are grateful for every night.  It’s what I do now, and life isn’t as hard.

Interestingly enough I look and think is life easier because I’m grateful or know what gratitude is?

I wish I had done it then to see the beauty in my life.


xoxo Christina





Ashamed of NOT Drinking

When I began looking at my relationship with alcohol, I stopped and started many times. In my mind I was failing at quitting. Then days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. I was super proud of myself. Though deciding on my own to quit, there was no intervention, there was no public announcement, there was “no I quit” I didn’t tell a soul in fear of failure. I would just politely decline alcohol. People were starting to notice.


In fact I never even opened up to my own family. I was ashamed I couldn’t handle my alcohol, I couldn’t handle what millions of people around the world deem as normal. I felt like shit. Being that it was Mothers Day yesterday, I was thinking back to a year ago. I was about 9 months sober and my son and his girlfriend took me out for dinner. They were drinking these fabulous belini’s and my son handed it to me and said try a sip and I faked trying a sip as I didn’t want to tell him.

My entire life I’ve felt like I was less than, not drinking was feeling once again that I was less than.

Fast forward a few more months, after that Mothers Day Dinner in 2018 and I changed my mindset, to I am more than, not less than. I am doing what millions & millions of people deem not normal, how amazing is that! I lived in that truth. Now everyone knows.

Back to Shame

Almost two years into not drinking, I am back to shame. For some reason these past few months I have , not really wanting to talk about not drinking, maybe because it’s part of my lifestyle now, or maybe because there is something that needs to be healed. I’m not too sure.

Has anyone else gone through this? Please Comment, looking for suggestions, advice… anything

xoxox Christina

Friday Night Sober Dinner

It’s so incredible, when you meet a friend that you connect with. Not just on a sober level, but an actual friend. I met this woman on a chat group called Hello Sunday Morning (it was an Australian sober group). This group unfortunately is shut down, but my profile and name at the time suggested I lived in Vancouver and she messaged me. We met for coffee and found out we have many of the same interests. Including spin. We don’t live too far from each other, and we hit it off.

Going on 9 months later we meet regularly at spin and for dinners. Tonight’s dinner was at a beach side restaurant, she arrived ahead of me. Now walking into a beachside restaurant on a Friday night to meet a girlfriend in the past would have meant a bottle of wine at the table. She had a mocktail in hand.

It really is refreshing and the fact we ate early ( I am no longer a late night dinner person) and our bill was so reasonable. We eat at fashionable places and neither of us is waking up regretting our actions, our credit card bills or what we ate. We are present for each other, have some great laughs and catch up. Say goodnight and head out. Both leaving feeling far better off starting a sober weekend.

Above all I’m just super grateful for this journey. Sticking with it, making that friend that has a mocktail in hand.

xoxox Christina