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Just Keep Going…

Update from Friday, as I mentioned I’ve had a tough October, sober but tough… I wanted to give an update from Friday, as Friday was a bitch I was happy & anxious and I wanted to drink to get rid of the anxiety and be happier than I already was.  I ended up going to bed and not really being able to sleep despite being tired so watched Netflix.   I did not drink though.

Saturday I guess what I did.   NOTHING that’s correct, I did NOTHING.  I had a shower I got dressed and I did NOTHING.  I have no idea the last time I did literally NOTHING,  mom’s/wives/girlfriends/ daughters/friends/workers (put your label in here) don’t do nothing. My son asked me to go to his g/f’s soccer game I said no.  My husband asked me to go to Costco I said no.  Remember No is a complete sentence.  I said NO to everything that day and it was one of the best things I could do for me.  I stayed in on this rainy October yucky day and literally laid around. I Let my husband do the groceries(that’s another story (no vegetables or fruit was bought) , let him do the cooking & my son do the clean up and when I say I did nothing I mean nothing.

Guess what I woke up Sunday and I felt really good.  I needed a break from life, I took one probably one that I needed so long ago.  So here is proof, when you are struggling through cravings, it will go away if you do not give in, I didn’t drink and I’m so beyond words glad I’m sober and stayed sober.  So do what you need to do to get through the cravings ( I paced around, I reached out online, I meditated, I watched Netflix) because Friday was bad but Sunday is good.

Sobriety can’t be bought it is earned nano second by nanosecond, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.  Earning something and working for it,  I appreciate it, I cherish it a little deeper.  Maybe even deeper than I did on the days it came easy.

A round of water for all!

Christina

Day Whaaat?

So I haven’t been counting the days sober, because I didn’t count my days of drinking but…….  I’ve had a pretty tough October being sober and I suddenly realized I always when I have been sober thought it was for longer but…. this has been my longest stint of sobriety, wanting sobriety (know what I mean, not stopping drinking because I was pregnant & breastfeeding or because I was on a diet – which are legitimately two of my other reasons I have stopped drinking)  Actually looking at my drinking and deciding to do something about it.    The first time was 10 weeks (I had to go look at the calendar to actually see how long it was I thought it was 4 months OMG)  next was 8.5 weeks and many other shorter stints, but never giving up.

I feel that the 60-90 days is perilous for me, so I am staying vigilant.   I also have seen many people relapse including myself in that time.   I feel as this is  a huge healing time a huge shifting time (mind body and soul).  If anyone has any insight on this time frame I would love to hear it.

Tonight I admit has been a tough one, it’s Friday and there’s a nagging at me, I’ve had a good day and a few incidences that brought up anger.  I am fed but feel like I can’t breathe.  Anxious.  So I decided to first reach out to some sober sisters, then I decided to do a Kundalini breathing exercise and meditation to slow me down, SA TA NA MA it seems to have worked I feel better and it’s 7:00pm I am shortly going to crawl into bed.

 

Good night have a sober one!  Christina

Pure Love & Joy on a Cold Crisp Fall Day

At 10 weeks sober there is very little pure child like joy in my Recovery.  I’ve had some amazing experiences at 8 weeks I gifted myself a Float (so spiritual) I have had epic exercise classes that have released huge amount of endorphins, I have experience nature like never before I have connected with a great amount of other sober humans,  I have smiled and giggled. But this on Sunday I bought a ticket it wasn’t even a reward for reaching 10 weeks to Goat Yoga and wasn’t expecting much from it other than a fun way to end my weekend.

It was at 9am on a farm that is actually fairly central to the City.  On an October day so much could go wrong (rain and it get cancelled) accident on the bridge if you have ever lived in Vancouver or have been to Vancouver you know our bridges can be a nightmare.  But I woke up to a beautiful October  cold crisp morning.  Then my text came in the woman I was going with has bailed ( I was pissed as I didn’t know if she was sick or hungover whatever not my issue) I decided hell I’m going on my own the tickets were on the pricier side of yoga.

I get to the Farm ( no traffic it was easy peasy driving) .  Then I am in the parking lot and paralyzed by fear, everyone is in groups of friends or couples attending.  I am by myself the anxiety level in my stomach is high.  I literally forced one foot in front of the other.  Standing alone I look over and there is a woman who I connected with last July and we hugged and hugged we have text but haven’t seen each other since summer.  845AM on a Sunday I was happy.  Then we moved into the area.

The young goats came bounding in. Happy happy happy bounding, jumping up and down, skipping (little goats literally skip),  not one person could contain themselves everyone wanted to pet touch love and be around them, the smiling was infectious.  The yoga started it should have been called laughing yoga, we laughed, they played, we kind of yoga’d we laughed and laughed, they played, we petted and laughed at their antics.  What an incredible hour, I have not experienced such deep Joy in my Recovery.

Animals are so therapeutic and I cannot describe even one iota how this day shifted me but it did.  If you haven’t tried it and you love baby animals I can’t urge you enough to do it.  For me it was Pure Love & Joy on a Cold Crisp Fall Day.

PS #noyogaexperiencenecessary