Thinking About Drinking

So after 4  1/2 months I rarely think about drinking anymore, my cravings have pretty much subsided, not completely but most Fridays and Saturdays and Wednesdays, and Mondays and Tuesdays and Sunday brunches are now liveable and I get through the day without thinking about drinking.  I try and reward myself with experiences (not material items) in my sobriety.  I don’t count the days, but I do have a general idea of how long it has been.

Just before the 4 months mark I was driving down the road and thought about how I wanted to celebrate 4 months and my first thought was doing “shots” WTF.  First I’m not a shooter girl very often second I don’t drink anymore.  I did start to laugh at myself.  It wasn’t a craving but a natural habit.  I also have thought more than once about drinking while I was driving (what’s up with that?)

I was speaking to a girl today who’s worried about her wedding because weddings mean champagne (we were laughing she doesn’t even have a boyfriend) .

Celebration to me means alcohol, I decide it is time to find a new word other than celebrate, but I’m also not the fan of the word  “marking the date”  (sounds funeralish)

I looked up Celebration in the thesaurus, it gave me things like bash, blowout, spree, remembrance,gala, festivity, frolic, party, triumph, hoopla, wingding (wth)

But what did stand out to me was the word HONOURING.

I think I want to honour my sobriety I am so grateful for it, that honouring seems to be a befitting word. I am so grateful for my sobriety I don’t want to celebrate it, I’ve done enough celebrating in my life, I want to honour it.  I feel like my sobriety is so sacred so incredibly powerful.

Here’s to another amazingly sober day!






Overly Sensitive or Awake Now

So a few things have been coming to light, I never viewed myself as a sensitive person in fact I would describe myself more as a hard ass than sensitive, (I’ve been called Gemma – as in the matriarch from Sons of Anarchy gulp) I don’t think I’m that hard.    I’ve always had to be tough though, since I left home I put myself into situations that I shouldn’t have, I dated the wrong for me guys, I have partied myself financially destitute, I’ve been a single mom, I have always had a strong work ethic so I’ve worked 2 or 3 jobs to get ahead, I ensured that we always lived in a great neighbourhood.  I’ve been strong and I have ugly cried.

Now I am sober, I feel that I’m being oversensitive, maybe I always was but numbed it,  as I am watching this journey of emotions it’s very very intriguing to me to explore what is going on.

Three things today happened:

  1. I was sitting at the front door and my husband barged in front of me, trying to get out the front door , kinda of tilting me over and I barked at him that everything was always about him.  Then my eyes welled up, as our marriage is not good as it is.  I started to explore this was this me being sensitive or me becoming aware that his behaviour is quite rude.
  2. I was having coffee with a girlfriend today who is also in sobriety, first I was happy that I was able to stand up to her and say no ( she had wanted me to drive a long way out of my way to meet her at 1:30 because she had Christmas shopping to do in a certain part of the city that is crazy busy)  We compromised on a later time and a coffee shop near both our houses.  Not once did she ask about my life or sobriety.  The only thing she said was “your rocking it” I said yes everything is going well.  I didn’t tell her anything about anything.  The entire conversation revolved  about her and her life and sobriety.  I left her feeling empty and had tears in my eyes I spent an hour with her of my precious time.  I was feeling very aware here.
  3. I met up with another friend to give her, her Christmas Card and give her a hug as she is heading to a Recovery Home for 90 days and I can’t see her for 30 days, we talked about everything my life, her life the changes, everything.  I left after 20 mins feeling so proud of her for doing this and so fulfilled and tears in my eyes,  tears of joy and how much I’m going to miss her.  So sensitive and awake.

I am so aware now of people and their actions, I know I cannot control them, just my reaction towards them.  I leave today feeling bewildered three very different situations and so much sensitivity and feelings around all of them, pondering my part in them all.  Human behaviour is so very complex.

Have you been more sensitive and awake to others behaviour and situations in your sobriety?

Grateful for another sober day.





Cardio and Recovery

Cardio it’s the one thing both times that I have been sober longer than 2-3 weeks at a time, I have put in cardio.  I have a love for weightlifting and have for over 5 years but I found even during drinking the days if moved my body doing cardio for over 30 mins,  it has helped subside cravings and I was less likely to drink.  I was also less likely to drink on the nights that I knew I was going to run/spin in the morning.    I like to run but also Spinning (which I discovered a love for about a year and a half ago) and since it’s indoors that works for this time of year. It’s also easier on the joints and body.   I typically burn between 4-600 calories in 45 mins it’s a great workout.  I spin now 3 days a  week.   I usually run on the tread mill for a warm up before weights, so I will do a couple of miles.  In the spring and summer months I take the run outside, but for now I’m a treadmill runner.

Try it, allow yourself to be a beginner, don’t hurt yourself by deciding to go on a 5 mile run ( or worse run on icy roads) or a 25 km bike ride (this will just be a discouragement.) Join a running group, go to a spin class, take a kickboxing, crossfit, rowing, or body pump class.  (Always check with your doctor first)

Cardio is a natural high, you get to a stage those endorphins kick in and the hangover is a natural glow. The soreness of muscles is painful but its a good sore.  When you start to see the benefits you want to do it again.  Your family/friends might complain that you go to the gym for an hour, it’s a habit i’m ok with being addicted to.

Happy Sober Fit Friday!