Thought of the day: “girl, you don’t have a drinking problem anymore”

Thought of the day “Girl, you don’t have a drinking problem anymore!” You don’t crave it, obsess over it, you’ve gone well over a year without it so you are cured. I was in the grocery store the other day picking up a lime for my “Honey, Lime, Olive Oil Salad dressing I make and this is what ran through my head. Actually it was “oh you can make Margarita’s, then I thought no it’s winter”. Then I remembered the actual reason, no you don’t drink, you have a problem with alcohol. But my brain was saying no “girl you don’t have a drinking problem anymore” maybe you drinking too much was just a phase, because of your husband, or your ex boyfriend, or because you were drinking so regularly. LOL I laugh when I write this out-loud that was a very long painful phase about 20 years or so give or take some years in between. I’ve had these thoughts for a while here and there during my journey of getting sober I think it’s normal, it’s all in how you handle it..

I admit it sometimes I forget I have a drinking problem. I did it again today I just booked a girls trip to California, for March and thought yeah I can have cocktails OOOPs. That’s my brain saying “girl you don’t have a drinking problem anymore”

My drinking problem doesn’t rule my life anymore, at the beginning of my recovery it did, I focussed on my sobriety daily, getting sober, staying sober, making sure I didn’t fall, I was willing as fuck. Which is a good thing, I did the work, but it’s bad when I try and justify these thoughts today. So I decided to take a look back at a video that I took when I was hungover, it is my painful reminder of how bad my drinking was and how little self worth I had left. How I wanted off the earth so badly. How much I loathed myself and how I couldn’t quit, how bad I looked. This video I have two of them almost 8 months apart of my reality back then, and I’m not sure why I even took them but today It’s a shocking jolt to my brain almost like shock therapy, “girl you are not cured you do have a drinking issue.”

Does anyone else out there have a video or picture or a journal entry that does this?

xoxox Christina

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