So as I said in my previous post I had a fleeting thought if I was going to make it to 6 months. On my sober 1/2 a year eve, I thought meh maybe I’ll drink. Well I know enough to shut that shit down fast. Saturday rolled around it was there but a little sad there was no parade for me not drinking for 6 months nobody really cares, I didn’t cure cancer or reinvent a wheel.
By Monday I was breathing shallow, I was overwhelmed with my work, and my to do list, and my therapist had my water bottle and she was hammering me over coming to pick it up, ok (she text me once to say she left it with reception) but that was my reaction everything was urgent and frantic.
I run out to get it, and groceries on Monday and I ran into my therapist (also I am very grateful she had it, it’s a beautiful water bottle my sons girlfriend gave to me for Christmas) She says how are you. I said my anxiety is at a all time high I can’t breathe, she said and what are you doing for it, like seriously lady. I’m not doing anything I can’t breathe. She reminds me of my tools, write out my day, figure out what I need to get done, put the rest onto Tuesday and go to my Y12SR (Yoga and 12 Step Recovery Meeting) that night. I hug her and left water bottle in hand.
Barely make it to Y12SR but I do and I forget my yoga mat I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, running at a high nervous vibe, I didn’t really want to go, I wanted to isolate. The facilitator says so basically you are self sabotaging, you are walking the path back to what’s comfortable, booze. anxiety, isolating, not feeling good enough, and just wanting to numb it out. My response was slow and thought out, yes I was. She then pointed out that I wasn’t really though. If I had been I wouldn’t be willing, once I had realized I’d forgotten my mat, I didn’t turn around and leave, I was willing to do the yoga without a mat, I was willing to connect, to share my raw feelings and I just now needed to ground down and breathe and move my body.
We spoke after, I never thought (there than being pregnant) I could be 6 months sober and it really is a turning point, she said it really is just like every day that you choose not to drink. It’s only overwhelming if you let it be, don’t look forward don’t look back stay in today..
The connections I have made in this last 6 months have been incredibly powerful, the wisdom of the women I have connected with is beyond measurable. Showing up & Sharing & Connecting is one of the reasons I am sober today.
Have a great sober day!