I sat last night a little worried I wouldn’t make it to 6months it was that Friday feeling, I haven’t had that thought in a while, but it popped into my head, I removed it said don’t be silly. You aren’t drinking because it’s Friday, Hell NO, and then it happened I went to bed and woke up hangover free and today I honour 6 months sober. As I write this my skin tingles.
It’s a little weird but I haven’t shared that I am six months sober with anyone, in fact most of my recovery has not been shared with many, just a few close women I met at an outpatient program, and my Y12SR meetings. I don’t really recover out loud, I’m starting to put in some hashtags on my instagram, and make some comments, but slowly. I don’t share with my family, they aren’t supportive. I have taken Hip Sobriety Course (which I love and highly recommend) and want to share it on the group, but I haven’t. I have a group of She Recovers Women but I also haven’t shared it there either. I’m not a big fan of tooting my own horn, I still slightly feel like a fish out of water. I am going to text my girlfriend though and tell her. My journey back to me has really been my own. Today I’m almost a little sad I don’t have an applause orchestra playing though, or a parade in my name. I’d really like a parade today though I did have a piece of decadent apple pie.
The past year has been about my sobriety and working me. Some days I think maybe I didn’t have a problem, I wasn’t a daily drinker, I wasn’t an alcoholic by my definition (losing jobs, drivers licenses, children, living or living on skid row or incarcerated) but I was a hot mess ( yet again), I felt like a failure, I felt like a bad mom, bad wife, in general a bad human and so useless. I videotaped several hangovers, I have re read journals (so many day ones) , I look at the empty dates on my instagram page, especially when I get that thought of maybe I didn’t have a problem. Yet I had a huge emotional problem of what was happening while I was drinking. What happened to me was I felt useless as a human and I had no life. That has all changed today. I am motivated, I am grateful, so incredibly grateful, I love life, I realize life is a gift, I’m taking courses, I am present with my family. I like waking up with no hangover. I don’t feel useless.
Cheer’s to water. Fuck I love water.
Here’s to another sober day xoxox Christina