Never Feeling Good Enough

I think this is one of the big stressors in my life.  As I get ready to go home to my parents for Christmas, I realized I never felt good enough.  It’s a reason I don’t actually want to go.  I sit here packing and even my clothes aren’t good enough, I wear very modern clothes and my mother does not approve.  I can barely breathe.  My parents always pretended everything was fine, while always criticizing others  Maybe this was part of my rebellion as a teenager.  I hated it.  The perfect family, I just wanted to be happy and joyous.

Well that isn’t our household it’s strained and boring.  No one is themselves.  I basically go through a list of stuff we can’t talk about with my family before we arrive.  It’s such a strain.  No wonder I feel stressed and anxious.  It’s not pretty or fun, it looks perfect though.

So here’s to getting through family get togethers.  I am putting my foot down though next year is at our house and we have decided that we are saying it’s here and if anyone comes that’s great if they choose not to that’s ok.  After travelling for Christmas for over 28 years I want a Christmas in my own house.  I want to play games and have Christmas Carols  being sung and go look at lights, I want to decorate cookies and basically have fun.  It will not look perfect but it will be joyous and fun.

Breathing deeply I must go pack.


Here’s to another sober weekend.  Oh and today I have 5 months



2 thoughts on “Never Feeling Good Enough

  1. Hi Christina,
    Reading this was like reading something I could have written. We have the same awkward, stilted families but on opposite sides of the planet! Seriously, I don’t understand why they are like this.
    Well done for handing the situation with such grace. I love your approach for next year. Hope it went ok given the circumstances?
    Hugs xoxo

    1. Hi
      I hope you got through this as well! Maybe our families are related LOL,I did get through it was a rough few days and I bit my tongue a lot, counted in Spanish (lol) and in general did a lot of deep breathing (my family may think I have some kind of lung disease) ! The one good thing was we had a White Christmas and it was amazing to walk in the snow and get out of the house on Christmas Day.

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